These Mini Vampire Kits will come in real handy if I get attacked by a tiny blood sucker. That’s why I’m taking one of these with me in the woods. You know, ticks. Tiny bloodsuckers. Also should be good against midget politicians. And it might help you against doctors bearing tiny syringes. There are a lot of tiny blood suckers out there now that I think about it. This will help.
Author: Artemis Winterford
Crazy Creepy Halloween Nails
Promise to scratch my back with these fun Crazy Creepy Halloween Nails? You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours k? Except my scratches are gonna suck cuz I bite my nails. Also spit them on the floor, which is why my feet are all cut up. That’s not a two foot deep pile of confetti all over the floor. I really have to clean this house at least once while I live. Nah. I’ll let the next sucker do it after I’m gone.
Stainless Steel Skull Head Whiskey Chillers
Time to chill baby. With some Stainless Steel Skull Head Whiskey Chillers. And my whiskey definitely needs to chill. It was getting all uppity earlier and cursin’ up a storm. Gonna throw some of these in a glass and make it calm the f**k down! My Gin doesn’t act like that so WTF?
These skulls will chill any drink without watering it down. That’s what your kids are for. (They steal your booze and water it down. I don’t mean dunking their heads in your booze to chill it.)
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Necronomicon Light Switch Plate
Holy Necronomicon Batman! This Necronomicon Light Switch Plate will make me way to scared to turn the lights off. Or on. Turn ’em off and I’ll be too scared of some portal to hell opening up and swallowing me whole as Cthulhu devours my soul. Turn ’em on and that Necronomicon face will scare the bejesus out of me and I got very little bejesus left!
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Skulls And Ravens Bookends
Oh my stars and garters! (Whatever that means.) Oh my skulls and ravens. These Skulls And Ravens Bookends are creeptastic and awesome. It’s a well known fact that ravens like to perch on skulls. I can’t even walk to my car without a raven landing on my head, but then it leaves because I have too much skin and hair and stuff. It sits on a tree branch somewhere just waiting and watching. Waiting for my demise so that it can perch on my bare skull.
This is why I run to my car and never ever look up.