Author: Artemis Winterford

Herman Hammerhead Dog Poo Bag

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etsy handmade dog poo bag holder
Herman Hammerhead loves poo. He is a dog doo doo bag who actually looks fairly terrified at what he does for a living. He is the perfect accessory for those long dog walks when fifi has the runs.

Herman Hammerhead honestly hates horrible heated hemmorhoids. Ha. They all start with H. Now I feel like I’ve accomplished something today. Other than 10 complete games of solitaire and continued unemployment. Take that, “The man”! And my fifth grade teacher who said that all I would ever be was a “Professional Jackass”!

It’s like he traveled into the future and read the blog!

Reborn Freddy Krueger Doll Was A Nightmare On Womb Street

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reborn freddy krueger doll
This Reborn Freddy Krueger Doll is crazy demented. Well, now that he’s been reborn maybe they can raise him up right this time. Teach him not to slash people and invade their dreams. If it’s true what they say, that children are our future… We are all f***ed!

Being reborn hasn’t improved his skin any. It’s called proactive for a reason Freddy. You gotta be proactive about it. I mean come on Fredster, are you your parents newborn kid or a botched Dominos pizza? What, you gonna come for me now in my sleep? Come at me bro! Come at me! I got a medicine cabinet full of uppers and I ain’t afraid to use them!
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Pocket Watch Full Of Teeth

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teeth pocket watch
Excuse me good sir, do you have the time? *Reaches into vest. Pulls out pocket watch. Holds it to guys face* But of course. Time to bite your face off!

This Pocket Watch Full Of Teeth is, what’s the right word? I think Squeampunk fits. Yeah squeampunk. It makes me squeamish, but it’s kinda cool. No way I’m keeping this thing in my pocket, by my junk. I feel like it needs a mint or a tic-tac or something. Right in the middle there.

Sharp Act Knife Sharpener

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creepy kitchen knife sharpener
Oh Oh Oh It’s magic… A cutty, stabby, knifey kind of magic. The Sharp Act Knife Sharpener turns knife sharpening into a magic act. Hey, look at me, I’m sharpening my giant steak knife like I’m David Copperfield. OWWWWW! Just cut myself and that wasn’t part of the act. For my next trick, I’m going to the ER to get stitches and since I’m not insured, I’ll make all of my money disappear. It’s magic!

But at least I have a sharp knife.

Godzilla High Heels

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godzilla boots
Sadly, these Godzilla High Heels are sold out, but maybe you can score some Godzilla figures and make your own. Then you know what to do. You assemble a miniature city all over the floor of your house, then dance and destroy it, while making monster noises.

Then your friend will come by with some high heels featuring Godzilla’s enemies. Now it’s time to fight and destroy the hell out of what’s left of that city. While I take pictures and pull a lever that dumps jello everywhere. Don’t be afraid to rip each other’s clothes. Everything is fair game when you are fighting in monster heels.

Check out an unboxing video below from the always entertaining grav3yardgirl.

Thanks Erin.

Update: They are in stock at Modcloth.
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