Unleash your inner Frankenstein with these freaky and cool Frankenstein Boots. It’s alive! It’s alive! Yeah, but does it have a soul? No, however it does have a sole and some cool bolts on the side. I usually slip mine on, then tighten ’em with a wench.
A wench?
I mean a wrench. Sorry. Was thinking about Frankenstein’s wife for a sec. She forgot to pack me a lunch today and Dr. Frankenstein is very annoyed.
Everybody needs some chocolate tools in their toolbox. These tools are made from chocolate. So if you have a screw loose and need a chocolate fix, grab a wrench and shove it in your mouth. The wife wants to know how the plumbing is coming along. *yelling* Just fine dear. *Om nom nom nom* Nothing going on in here. *Nom nom* Everything is just fine. *door opens*
Hi dear.
WHAT is all over your mouth and face? Have you been sneaking chocolate again?
Um….Blew in the sewer pipe…Had some uh… blowback. Toilet is working now. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll just pack up what’s left of my tools and be off. Good day.
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Man, I’m beat. I spent all day installing some sea blue carpet so I can wear these Chomping Shark Slippers and shuffle back and forth in search of chum. I call it shark room.
The first rule of shark room is: We don’t talk about shark room.
The second rule of shark room is: You don’t enter without wearing your chompers.
The third rule of shark room is: You don’t blog about shark room.
Well, I guess I’m out, having violated rules 1 and 3. It was fun while it lasted.
Peanut Butter And Jelly Socks. My motto is, “Comfort food makes comfortable clothing”. That’s probably why I just found a spare hot dog in my shirt pocket. *Yeah, whatever. Is that cake in your underpants?* No, but it is homemade.
Anyway, guess what time it is? It’s Peanut Butter Jelly time. *Dances around in my PB and J socks. Stopping to grab a knife so I can spread some peanut butter and jelly on the appropriate socks, then gets back to dancing, crushing slices of bread everywhere and making like a hundred sandwiches all mashed up together.*
*Breathing hard. Leaning against the wall.* Peanut…butter…Jelly…tired now. *Falls on sticky white bread dance floor*
Use a skull to shave your skull. You hairy-skulled beast! The Skull Shaving Brush is a scary, yet elegant way to shave that man-beard off. Me? I haven’t shaved for like 2 years. I’m going all biblical on your arses. I went outside the other day to fix the walkway and the kids next door were all like, “Hey Moses. Nice stone tablets. You broke your own 1st commandment: Don’t be a fat loser!”
That’s okay, because the night before I did his mom and I’m pretty sure I left her with a burning bush. Also when she got a little rough and squeezed my man junk, I shouted “Let my people go!”
Yeah, so f**k that kid!
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