The seller of this vintage football says that it looks like E.T. I think it looks like Stewie Griffin. Now the prophecy is at hand! Somewhere, a small child is planning to take over the world.
It is just $2.
Read more “Vintage Football Looks Like Stewie Griffin From Family Guy”
The good thing about this can of Campbell’s Cream Of Chicken Feet Soup is that you can use one of the talons to open the can.
Uh, thanks mom, but I don’t need any soup. I’m feeling much better now. Your choice of grocery store items has induced vomiting. As usual. You go ahead and enjoy yourself.
Read more “Campbell’s Cream Of Chicken Feet Soup: Mmm Mmm No”
Arrrrrrrr matey! Feast yer eyes on this antique pirate machine. Pull the lever and lose ye booty. No, it won’t slim ye butt-shanks, I mean prepare to lose yer treasure as ye drop coin down my slot. What do ye mean I sound like an old mermaid harlot? Listen, get ye mind out of the gutter and yank me pistol down to get me dials spinning. What? Oh nevermind!
Read more “Antique Pirate Slot Machine”
This is how you deal with smugglers that are ticking you off. You freeze them in carbonite and make a toilet seat out of them, so they are forced to kiss your fat butt cheeks for all eternity. If you are a big fat slug creature, you can always freeze someone else for your wall, but Solo deserves the toilet treatment. $59.99.
Coffee. The world’s tastiest laxative. At least it keeps you awake. Probably because you have to be awake to poop. Well, that’s not strictly true. C’mon, we’ve all pooped the bed at least once or twice. Three times in my case, but that’s only because I like a good cup of Joe before bed. It gets me just wired enough that my dreams are all like “WTF Am I on acid?” Of course the down side is that when your eyelids close, your sphincter opens. Needless to say, the washing machine gets clogged and then the repair guy is like, “Who the f**k takes a dump in their washing machine. I’m obligated by law to report this to my superiors.”
So of course, I’m not allowed to do laundry within a 100 mile radius now. Man, I’m really flying high on a double mocha right now. Can you tell? Oh and this cool mug is here.