Author: Artemis Winterford

Sawed-Off Shotgun BBQ Grill

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sawed off shotgun grillThis sawed-off shotgun grill is loaded full of buckshot. And by buckshot, I mean steaks, hamburgers and pork products shaped like weenies. Pig weenies if you will. I just like saying weenies. This $9,550.00 grill is perfect for my next backyard party.

Since it smokes out of the barrels, I’m just gonna push the barrels over the neighbors side of the fence. I’ll be grillin’ on my side, they’ll be- Oh sh*t, I pushed both barrels through their living room window. I’m not gonna sweat it though. They won’t be home for another two weeks. When they get home they will deduce that they obviously left their oven on, hence all the smoke. The heat broke their window too. Damn. Y’all better get cleaning. Yeah, that’s why I grill outside in my double barrel. Laterz.
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The Party Never Ends With This Swizzle Stick Cocktail Hat

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swizzle sticksThis Swizzle Stick Cocktail Hat will be the life of the party. Just $120. from Etsy seller lovemarigold. This hat puts some swizzle in your fashion sizzle. My nizzle.

I made a hat like this once too. Just kept sticking those sticks in my hair after every drink. Yeah, I like girly drinks. So what? You want to get a girl, you have to think like one. Even drink like one.

“But what about your purse?”

“That’s NOT a purse. It’s a messenger bag.”

“I saw makeup in there and-”

“You saw nothing!”
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Dead Doll In A Coffin

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dead doll in a coffinTurn your dollhouse into a funeral home with this $61. dead doll in a coffin.

Dolly was a good doll. Even though she was a simple woman, she enjoyed retreats to Barbie’s more upscale Malibu beach home and never complained when little Sally made her make out with Ken, straining her relationship with her old friend Barbie. She never got over their falling out. Dolly was found on the top floor of her victorian dollhouse, swinging from the rafters. A note was left on a miniature table beside her. It was too small to read.

Sad story.
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8GB Condom USB Flash Drive

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condom usb driveAt last, I have a use for condoms. See that? You were wrong mom! I WILL use one. Just not in the way you thought. And not with a woman.

Now you can store your data in a condom, instead of your peen. 8GB? Phaw! I need a Magnum because I’m packing 16GB. Only $15.50 from Amazon.
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