Tag: manly

Bear Paw Serving Bowl

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bear paw serving bowl
This bear paw serving bowl is how a real man eats his Chex party mix. Preferably from a bear you hunted yourself, but since I only like to act tough, I’ll just buy this serving bowl and act all macho. Right up until the wife gives me an ear full about how party mix is bad for me and I cower and whimper when she takes it away. Party mix bad? How could any party be bad? I guess I’ll just have to grin and bear it. Heh heh! I write these things up like I’m bustin’ a rhyme.

Yo yo!
My prose is grizzly
The weather is drizzly
Brown bear, polar, I don’t give a cluck
I see him come rollin, I run straight for my truck.
Gun it down the highway, nothing but cryin’
Did you poop your pants?
Of course I’m lyin’!

Soap Pistol With .45 Caliber Bullet Candles

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bullet candles
I have never been so dirty that I have needed a gun and some bullets to get clean. But just in case I ever am that filthy, I’m going to get me this Soap Pistol With .45 Caliber Bullet Candles. I can look tough while bathing, as I rub this gun all over my body, under the light cast from some bullet candles.

Pew! Pew! Pew! Hey, my gun is shrinking! Is that normal? No, not that gun!

This is my rifle, this is my gun. One is for bathing and one is for fun!

USDA Approved Meat Coasters

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meat coastersYou have to protect your furniture from drinks. Otherwise your wife will slap you silly, grab you by the neck and shove your face in it. That’s what happens around here anyway. So use a coaster. A manly coaster that will show her who the boss is. Like meat!

So after that little “incident” I got some meat from the fridge and slapped it down onto the coffee table. Then slammed my drink into that delicious slab of beef. See? I’m using a coaster! I am the man of this house!

It was a good plan. Until she made me eat it, all raw and bloody. My nerdy muscles could not overcome her. This package of meat coasters might be a better alternative.
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Sawed-Off Shotgun BBQ Grill

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sawed off shotgun grillThis sawed-off shotgun grill is loaded full of buckshot. And by buckshot, I mean steaks, hamburgers and pork products shaped like weenies. Pig weenies if you will. I just like saying weenies. This $9,550.00 grill is perfect for my next backyard party.

Since it smokes out of the barrels, I’m just gonna push the barrels over the neighbors side of the fence. I’ll be grillin’ on my side, they’ll be- Oh sh*t, I pushed both barrels through their living room window. I’m not gonna sweat it though. They won’t be home for another two weeks. When they get home they will deduce that they obviously left their oven on, hence all the smoke. The heat broke their window too. Damn. Y’all better get cleaning. Yeah, that’s why I grill outside in my double barrel. Laterz.
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