Category: Creep Wear

Crazy Creepy Scarecrow Masks

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Crazy Creepy Scarecrow Masks
I must be a bird cuz these Scarecrow Masks from darkmasks scare the bejeebus out of me. You know what happens when a bird sees these faces looking at ’em? They just explode in a mess of feathers and guts. That’s how scary these masks are.

This reminds me of that time I did a stand up routine for a room full of scarecrows. You can guess how that went. Yeah, I left them in stitches. I’d offer these scarecrows something to eat, but they’re already stuffed. Yeah, that’s just a little scarecrow humor. That’s the last straw I promise.
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Call Me Ouija Planchette Necklace

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Call Me Ouija Planchette Necklace
Hey girls. This fun Call Me Ouija Planchette Necklace is a great accessory. You put out the sign and I answered the call baby. Wait. I mean I called, cuz you told me too, and you answered the phone. That’s what I meant. You channeled my spirit and now you get to hear it. I promise I’ll talk soft and low as if from another plain of existence. You can ask me anything and I’ll make your planchette quiver in excitement as it hovers over YES YES YES. Just what I do. You’re welcome.

Necronomicon Leather Book Purse

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Necronomicon Leather Book Purse
Remember kids, reading is fundamental. But reading the Necronomicon is just plain mental. This Necronomicon Leather Book Purse is a good way to get yourself in trouble. Maybe it makes the whole world zombies. Maybe it opens a portal so that Cthulhu and his kind can enslave us all. Maybe it creates a world where dogs and cats get along. Whatever happens, nothing good is gonna come out of this book/purse.

Ohhhhh, except for that lipstick. That shade is to die for. Where’d you get it? I wish I could wear that, my complexion is just too pale. You go girl!
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Gothic Snake Ring

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Gothic Snake Ring
Why did it have to be snakes? I hate snakes. Especially goth snakes. Oh wait. I read that wrong. It’s a Gothic Snake Ring, not a Goth snake ring. I thought the lack of eyeliner and general lack of emo tendencies was a little strange. I don’t really hate snakes. I like ’em cuz they make cool jewelry. I just hate when you encounter them in nature. Good thing for me I never go out into “nature”. I’m paler than a redhead living in a cave. I had some plastic plants once and that’s the closest I ever got to nature. So I’m not afraid of no snakes, Goth or Gothic. Or even Gaelic.

Zombie Octopus Necklace

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Zombie Octopus Necklace
This Zombie Octopus Necklace is pretty cute, but how in the hell did he become a zombie? What? Zombies ran out of humans to bite and just started swimming, turning the sea life into zombies? His past is questionable is all I’m saying. Sort of like my own. Never ask me about the summer of 94 and that trip to Jersey with a tranny tied up in the back of the truck.

Hey, I said never ask me about it!

Fine, I was working for Pep Boys and delivering a transmission to Jersey and it took me like 2 days to get there. Sheesh. What’s with the third degree? I had to tie the transmission down in back cuz it had already fell off once and killed a deer. Almost killed the Jersey Devil too.

Oh…you thought I meant tranny. That’ll teach you to assume. Every time you assume you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me”. Heard that one in grade school.