Mice and bats are mortal enemies. Everyone knows this. Their crazy-ass feud is illustrated nicely in this Taxidermy Mice and Bats Torture Chamber Display. Check out that brown mouse, holding a bloody sword pointed at the white mouse who is trapped in a hanging cage! He’s all like, “You better talk and talk soon, cuz I came to eat cheese and kick ass. And I’m all outta cheese.”
Pretty crazy. When will this war end?
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Oh, now I know who’s been running away with my books. I should never have bought those Taxidermy Turkey Feet Bookends. I think I just saw them running in the other room with all my good books between them. Get back here you jerky turkey! This is why I have chicken wire around the house, to stop exactly this sort of thing.
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Meet Morty, the Mummified Frog Necklace. I’m just guessing that’s his name. He looks like he’s doing a little yoga pose in there. Maybe Downward Frog or… Yeah I don’t know any other yoga poses. I’m about as flexible as a mafia payment plan. Anyway, you’re gonna look croaking in this necklace.
If I see you wearing it, I may even approach you and flirt with you. (Easy with that mace. I’m a good guy.) Maybe make a joke about how you and my tadpole should get together. You’d have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find another prince like me. And that’s nasty,so you might as well just settle. I’ll pick you up at 8.
If the goat is rockin’ don’t come a knockin’. This Rocking Taxidermy Goat is definitely rocking. He’s pretty horny too, meaning that he has great big horns. Not meaning the other thing. What did you think I was implying? *Sigh.* That really get’s my goat. Get’s my goat and gets it rocking. The seller named it Mason. Obviously they never set it free, because that would have made him a Freemason. Can’t have that. Also, you can’t free something that is dead, so there’s that. The seller says:
Mason the rocking goat has a 300 lb threshold. Even your drunk uncle Louie can go for a whirl.
First, how did you know I had a drunk Uncle Louie and second, no he can’t, cuz he is tipping the scales at 400.
This Vintage Bavarian Charivari Fox Teeth Locket is some jewelry with bite. *Puts my finger near it. Pulls it away.* This locket idea is crazy. Yeah, crazy like a fox. It’s nothin’ but teeth. This thing belongs on The X-Files. Ya know why? Cuz you wear this and you become Dana Scully. That teeth locket? Fox Molar. Ha ha ha. Get it? The tooth is out there!
If you do wear this, you’re gonna be one foxy lady. *Does the Jimi Hendrix guitar riff* C’mon, you know you’re a cute little heartbreaker… Foxy.
