This Ancient Vampire Fossil goes back to the days when vampires had nothing to bite but dinosaurs. That’s how they went extinct. Duh! It wasn’t a meteor. You can see his or her vampire bat wings, the bones, even a tail. All fossilized and ready to display in your home. Some vampire probably fell in a tar pit while trying to bite the neck of a brontosaurus. Brontosaurus moved it’s neck and Vampy fell down. All so you could decorate millions of years later. My math may be off a little.
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Category: Just Plain Weird
Gothic Black Leather Skull Journal
Can you even wrap your skull around this Gothic Black Leather Skull Journal? It’s all creepy and spooky and full of skulls. Kinda like a cemetery that way. A cemetery for your deepest darkest thoughts. Bury them inside and close them like a casket as you snap the cover shut. Wow. I’m getting pretty dark. Good thing no one will ever see what I wrote in there. Pssst! *Beckons you closer* No one must ever know.
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Baby Squidlet Toy Figures
What up Baby Squidlet? You aint nothing but talcum powder and tentacles. Stop your squirming squidlet. You aint even wearing a diaper. Probably cuz you just wipe yourself like crazy with those tentacles when you make a dukie. I wish I had that kind of butt-wiping action, but no, I have to go through like a roll of TP just to break even and even then I still have mudd-butt. You are gonna look awesome in my curio cabinet.
Skull Planchette – A Skull For Your Spirit Board
Skull Planchette. It sounds like the name of a retired goth stripper. It’s not. It’s one of them fancy things you move around a Ouija Board while you are asking questions. Stuff like: Is there gonna be a sale on underwear at Target? Should I really pop that huge butt-zit or just let it get bigger? Cuz it hurts like hell.
This thing looks like it is screaming the whole time it glides around the board, highlighting letters. Like it wants you to put it out of it’s misery. Kinda like my marriage. No wonder I like it. I can relate to perpetual torment.
Dog Faux Taxidermy Heads
Boy are my dogs tired. Guess I better retire them and put their barking heads on the wall. These Dog Faux Taxidermy Heads from LisaPay look pretty realistic. What? A Boston Terrier? You’re barking up the wrong tree! I’m more of a Great Dane man. More like I love a great danish. You put these trophy heads on the wall and people will think that you are a dog serial killer. I don’t mean a dog that goes around killing people and calls himself the Zodiac Shiatsu. I mean it will look like you are the sicko. Anyway, nobody will ever catch the Zodiac Shiatsu or the Ted Bundy Beagle. They are too crafty.
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