Tag: accessory

Leather Cat Purse

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Leather Cat Purse
Wait, wait, wait! Let me see if I have this expression straight. The cat’s out of the bag. But how can it be, when this Leather Cat Purse clearly shows that the cat IS the bag? Is the bag now out of the cat? No, really, this is messing with my head. I can’t tell if this thing is the cat’s meow or the cat’s pajamas. Is it ketchup or catsup? Now I’m freaking out man! Cat have your tongue? No, but it can hold your lipstick and other stuff.

Anyway, look what the cat dragged in. This awesome purse. Ha ha. It looks like the cat that ate the canary. ha ha. I’m losing it. Losing it. Like a cat on a hot tin roof. I need to go meow.

Rock Lobster With Waves Hat

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Rock Lobster
Ladies and gentlemen, for one night only, I present…Rock Lobster and the Waves! Crowd goes wild.

I hate trying to pick up women wearing a Rock Lobster With Waves Hat. You gotta start with small talk, then turn the heat up real gently over a few hours until she’s ready. It’s too much work. And I’m no Don Juan Prawn. Besides, she makes too many waves. Treats me like a shrimp. Also very grabby and it hurts.

Real Preserved Spiderweb Pendant

Artemis Winterford3 Comments

Real Preserved Spiderweb Pendant
Want to wear a real spiderweb? I mean, I already wear them, but that’s only because a blogger seldom moves from their chair.You can wear a real spiderweb with this Real Preserved Spiderweb Pendant. It is genuine silky spider thread from the spider’s poop-sac, preserved in pressed glass and made into a pendant. Hopefully it won’t attract actual spiders who want to live there while you are wearing it.

If your name is Charlotte this is your web. Wear it Charlotte. Wear it.

That’s A Wrap: Mummy Leggings

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That's A Wrap Mummy Leggings
If you want to look like a yummy mummy below the tummy…Oh turds, I ran out of rhyming words. Be the best dressed mummy this side of de-Nile with these Mummy Leggings. It’s not just a river in Egypt. No, it’s not. I’m denying it. Anywho, these leggings will make you look good when you rise from your crypt in the morning.

I DIYed a pair once, but three thousand band-aids don’t hold up well in the washing machine, which turned them into a small mummy ball. I guess it’s good for mummy soccer. Just an idea I’m kicking around. Do you like that joke? Was it funny? This has been “The Insecure Comedian.” I’ll be here all week, but I won’t make eye contact. How’s my hair? I hope you like me.
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Cast Bronze Finger Wine Stoppers

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Cast Bronze Finger Wine Stoppers
I’ll have two fingers of whiskey bartender! This is wine, we don’t measure it in fingers. We do now thanks to these Cast Bronze Finger Wine Stoppers. Hey! What’d ya give me the finger for? I wonder if I can get a five-finger discount on these. Ha! I crack myself up.

I bet you never fingered me for a comedian. Ewwwwww. The beginning of that sentence didn’t sound right. I’m hoping you wouldn’t do that for anyone, let alone a comedian. And why would he want that? Is it part of his act? Now I made it awkward didn’t I? I’m sorry. Love you guys. Do you love me back? Gah. Made it awkward again.