Tag: accessory

Godzilla Necktie

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Godzilla Necktie
Stop stomping around the office you imbecile! And get those reports on my desk within the hour. Sorry boss, but this sweet Godzilla Necktie just kind of takes over, you know? I’m stomping around Tokyo. Those staplers and other company property that I just crushed with my feet? That’s Tokyo. I’ll get those reports to you within the hour sir.

Forty minutes later…

*Bursts through the bosses wall like the Kool-Aid man, with a loud monster shriek, flailing my arms as I drop the report on the desk.* I’m fired aren’t I? Yeah, I’ll just pack up my stuff. It’s been fun.

Zombie Autopsy Key Chain

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Zombie Autopsy Key Chain
This Zombie Autopsy Key Chain is made from a doll head. Probably Barbie herself. It will help you to never lose your keys again. Cuz how can you lose your keys when they are attached to a zombie with his brain showing? You know what I just noticed? They have one of those fancy flame printed keys. Sweet! Dude probably has a hot rod with a matching paint job.

That’s okay cuz my key matches my car too. They’re both sh**ty and rusty. But I ain’t bitter.

Realistic Brain Necklace

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Realistic Brain Necklace
If I want to wear a Realistic Brain Necklace, does that make me a fashion zombie? I do crave it. Kinda want to bite it even. And lick it. Just put me out of my misery right now cuz I won’t be happy until I get this juicy brain accessory and wear it around my neck. Still gonna lick that thing though cuz I’m freaky like that. It looks so ooey and gooey.

Leather Kraken Helmet

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Leather Kraken HelmetCrikey, ats a kraken elmet mate! I’ll take a crack at that kraken helmet. It doesn’t have any actual cracks right? Good cuz my head needs to be protected while I’m riding my Big Wheel, which I decked out in tentacles and seaweed. I’m going for a whole Mad Max thing. In this case, I call it Crazy Kraks.

You see why I have to protect my noggin? Cuz these ideas are gold! Plus I’m a big fan of Cthulhu and Krakens. In school the girls used to call me H.P. Nub-craft, for reasons I don’t feel comfortable getting into here. Well, I better get Kraken if I’m gonna save up all my dough and buy this thing.
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Swarovski Crystal Skull Earrings

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Swarovski Crystal Skull Earrings
Wow, look at those crystal skull earrings. Back off Indy, that’s mine! I’m gonna sell it for a fortune and buy a small island. *Knees Indy in his 70 year old junk and watches as he falls down a trap pit. Then I swing into action, clutching a jungle vine and snatch these Swarovski Crystal Skull Earrings off of the lovely lady who is no longer wearing them and jump into a waiting jeep.* So pretty. Such a rare treasure! What the? *Indy drops behind me as I’m racing down a tight road on the side of a cliff. He gives me a choke hold, so I elbow him in the ribs and send him flying over the cliff.* Haha. Sucker. *Reaches into my pocket where the earrings are missing.* Nooooooooooo. *Jumps out of the car and over the cliff after him.*

Two adventurers died that day and the treasure was lost again. You see what happens when you interfere Indy? This is why I can’t have nice things.
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