Tag: accessory

Ouija Board Necklace

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Ouija Board Necklace
You know what two hands and a spirit board are? The devil’s playground. Well, technically the devil’s playground is a burning lot with a sliding board full of needles, Hitler’s dog pissing everywhere, a merry go round made of barbed wire and a jungle gym made of human body parts. But I digress. If you’re brave enough to commune with spirits, then you are brave enough to wear this Ouija Board Necklace.

It already has two hands, so that when your boobies bounce around, it will look like those hands are flying around the board. Which I like, to be honest. Before you buy, I could demonstrate with your chest and my own hands. No? You sure? Right. I should probably just leave before the police get here.

Screech Owl Skull Necklace

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Screech Owl Skull Necklace
Give a hoot, wear a Screech Owl Skull Necklace. I knew you would like it, cuz we’re birds of a feather. Can I get a “who who”? Can I get a “hoot hoot”? I say who, you say who. Together we say who who! This bird skull necklace is owl ta this world!

Seriously, these bird skulls are gonna look good with that outfit you have on.
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Ugly Face Toilet Plunger Cover

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Ugly Face Toilet Plunger Cover
Check out this Ugly Face Toilet Plunger Cover. Dude, your face is so ugly I want to stick a toilet plunger in it. I bet this guy has heard that a million times. He’s got a face so ugly only a toilet plunger could love it. I guess that means he has a potty mouth. Honestly, this guy doesn’t look too bright, so he probably doesn’t mind getting rammed by a toilet plunger. I don’t even know the guy and I want to shove one in his head.
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3D Anatomical Brain Necklace – 50 Shades Of Gray Matter

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3D Anatomical Brain Necklace - 50 Shades Of Gray Matter
Brains! Brains! It’s what zombies and scarecrows on yellow brick roads crave! This 3D Anatomical Brain Necklace makes quite the fashion statement. If you have any brains at all, you know that. I can feel my neural pathways opening up just looking at it. I is smart! What? You don’t think so? Shut up or I’ll brain ya, ya numbskull! My IQ is 190 over 100. Wait, that’s my blood pressure. I think I may be in a coma and not even typing this at all. I’ll get back to you on that as soon as I’m sure I’m in my body.

Feel so weightless. rising toward the light. Wow. Pretty fluffy clouds and sexy women playing harps. Those gates are very pearly. I wonder if they sell dirty mags in there. Uh-oh. Falling. Falling fast. Getting hot real quick!

Zombie iPhone 7 Case – The Texting Dead

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Zombie iPhone 7 Case - The Texting Dead
This Zombie iPhone 7 Case is compatible with iPhone 5/5s, 6/6s, 7/7s. Looks like it could use some toothpaste. A little flossing wouldn’t hurt either. Damn son, you got some nasty choppers. I hope it doesn’t bite my finger when I answer my phone. I just feel like I want to do some reconstructive surgery on him, like one of those forensic guys. See what he looked like before he was turned into a rotting walking corpse.

Oh nevermind. I should have recognized Joan Rivers right away. Hey Joan. What up? Thanks for protecting my iPhone with your head.