Tag: accessory

JAWS Shoes: We’re Gonna Need A Bigger Shoe Box

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JAWS Shoes We're Gonna Need A Bigger Shoe Box
It’s time to slip your feet into some sharks. These JAWS shoes will be available this summer. My feet are fearful. My tootsies are terrified. My ten little piggies are bloody chum in the water! June 20th, 2016 is the 41st anniversary of the movie JAWS, so Sperry shoes are releasing a line of JAWS themed footwear. They will be available for order online as early as next month starting May 5th. They will be in retail stores soon after on June 9th.

The shoes are wrapped in blood-soaked tissue paper. Apparently, with each shoe purchase, you will get some postcards in the packaging. You can check out several of the designs here. Pretty cool. Great for sharkin’ around. One minor gripe. They really should have some fins so I can feel like I really have tiny sharks on my feet. That way, I can sing the shark theme while I walk and creep up on people like sharks do. And since my shoes can’t bite, I’m just gonna have to kick them really hard. Not my fault. It was the shark shoes. Not safe to go in the water? It is now not safe to go on the sidewalk. Blame my twin shark feet, both named Bruce.

Etched Copper Garden Spider Necklace

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Etched Copper Garden Spider NecklaceYou know why I don’t garden? Well, aside from the fact that everything I touch dies, did you know there are spiders outside? True story. And everyone knows that when a spider touches you, you feel all icky and weird. I don’t need any of that jazz. I wish they were all as cool as this Etched Copper Garden Spider Necklace. It’s awesome cuz it doesn’t move and is already dead.

A spider as a fashion accessory? Yeah! On the bottom of my shoe! Hahahaha! Am I right? *Reaches blindly for high five. Feels a hairy tarantula hand slap me.* Is there a giant spider behind me? Yeah, I’m just gonna run and scream now. Like a human police car. Running and screaming. That’s me. *Radio static* All cars. We have a 519 in progress. *Radio static.* I’m on the case! *Peels out and runs like hell.* A 519 is a giant spider behind you. I’m out!
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Awesome Cobra Snake Skin Leather Belt

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Awesome Cobra Snake Skin Leather Belt
This Awesome Cobra Snake Skin Leather Belt looks awesome, but I just know it’s gonna scare the hell out of my man junk underneath it, so it never rises again. Is that a snake around your waist or are you just happy to see me? I don’t know. Come a little bit closer and let’s see if it bites.

This is an awesome belt. Aside from the fact that I get bit every time I try to undo my belt to take a whiz. I can’t even undo my snake to drain my snake. Still, I look cool and that’s all that matters. That wet spot on my pants? That’s not what matters. I’m all like, “You’ve seen the cobra, wait until you see the python.” And the girls are all like, “Are you really gonna feed that little mouse to your snake?”
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Sugar Skull Car Floor Mats

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Sugar Skull Car Floor Mats
These Sugar Skull Car Floor Mats will make your car more colorful and creepy. Cuz let’s face it, you need something cool to drop your coffee and car-food all over. Etsy seller InkandRags has all kinds of colors and styles available. Pretty cool. Normally if I want a sugar skull I have to down like 5 Twix bars, a snickers and some pixie dust, wash it down with a big gulp and wait for the sugar high to give way to the sugar headache, but this is a much better way to have a sugar skull.

I’m all about the skulls and roses. I have like 3 skulls in my rose garden alone- Uh. Said too much. Really sucks that my backspace key doesn’t work. So it was just a joke. jk everyone. Ha ha. I’m so silly. Later peeps. Gotta go take care of some stuff. Nothing to see here. Catch ya on the flip side.
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Crow Skull Hair Tie

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Crow Skull Hair Tie
This Crow Skull Hair Tie is really something to crow about. I only know about this because a little birdie told me. Psst. It was the birdie in my hair. He can’t keep his beak out of my business. You know what they say, a bird in the hair is worth 2 in your bush. Although, why you would put birds down there I have no idea. Hey, it’s your bush, let it thrive with beautiful birdies.