Tag: art

Metal Dog Sculpture With Hanging Metal Nads

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

metal dogWhat is it with Ebay sellers taking horrible pictures of their items? Everybody is using the glaucoma filter. I had to smoke up for medicinal purposes while looking at this listing. Didn’t help. But my eyesight drastically improved when I left the page.

Anyway, this is a metal dog some dude got for his 50th birthday. It has metal nads. Now he is selling it. Probably because there’s only so many times you can walk by and grab ’em for luck. He feels weird now. And rightly so. Now you can be that guy for just $280.
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Uskulls Are Full Of Junk, Just Like Your Real Skull

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

uskullUskulls are clear skulls like that one in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull movie that sucked, but they have your stuff inside.

Hoarder: I wish I could store as much crap in my head as I do in my rat-infested home.

Uskull rep: Now you can. Introducing Uskull. It’s you. In a skull. Have crap? We will put it in a clear skull, so that you can display said crap among your other knick knacks. It will compliment your piles of moth-eaten newspaper and also goes well with rat turds and cat corpses. Only $375.
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Wormbaby Caterpillar Babies

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Wormbaby Caterpillar BabiesIs it creepy or cute? Beats me. I only know that I was infested with wormbabies one time and it was a nightmare to get rid of them. If you don’t catch them quick, they use their soft-serve pointy heads to attach themselves to objects and form a cocoon. Then they turn into mothbabies and start eating holes in your clothes.

That’s probably why my clothes have so many holes in them. It doesn’t help that when I drop food on my shirt, I suck out the stain like a vampire. You can’t let all of that mac and cheese MSG go to waste. It’s like Bill Compton going to town on Sooky Stackhouse. Or Eric Northman. Or those other 10 guys. Sooky, you is a tramp. *Does the Lafayette finger snap and saunters away swaying my hips*
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Friendship Is Tragic: Fluttershy My Little Pony Gun

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

fluttershy gunEvery pony needs a pistol and if ponies could pack heat, they would be packin’ heat like this Fluttershy gun.

It’s a plastic toy gun that someone painted with a Fluttershy theme. I call it Fluttershot. Don’t get butt-shot with Fluttershot. It’s all about friendship and kindness. Yeah right! When I went to visit Fluttershy in Equestria. I stepped in Fluttersh*t, then got Fluttershot in the butt with this damn gun. I was picking Fluttershot out of my flesh for hours.
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Horror Movie Shrunken Heads

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

horror movie shrunken headsCheck out these shrunken heads of Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers and Sam. They aren’t going to be terrorizing anyone now. Not without a tiny body attached to those tiny shriveled heads.

However, I’m sure they still bite. So keep your fingers away from them.