Tag: art

Scary Superhero Nutcrackers

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

nutcrackerSuperheros are all about cracking down on crime and that means cracking bad guy nuts when they have too. So superhero nutcrackers make a whole lot of sense.

These nutcrackers from Etsy seller ARTBYBART are pretty scary looking. And the all have balls for fists. I see a freaky nut/ball pattern here. Not saying this guy has peen on his mind, just saying it seems weird because I obviously have it on my mind. Let’s just leave it there. I got more issues than DC and Marvel combined. You don’t want to be flippin’ through the pages!

Click through for more, including the Joker, Wonder Woman and Optimus Prime.
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Weird Al-O-Saurus Framed Original Drawing

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weird alCheck out this Weird Al drawing. He’s half man, half dinosaur, but all white and nerdy. $225 on Etsy? Damn son. I can get all up in paint shop and crack one of these bad boys out in like 5 minutes. Okay, if I did it, it would be in crayon, but I know people who can use paint shop.

My mom goes to the paint shop all the time to match the colors on the walls. Cause I’m always swinging lightsabers and knocking off paint chips like they were Sith Lords. Mom calls me Obi-Wan-You-Owe-Me. Cause I owe her for the walls. Whatevs. Bill me sucka. And by bill me, I mean Bill Cosby. As in, “Mom, get me a pudding pop!”

Custom Monster Rug: Wipe Your Feet, Then Count Your Toes

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monster rugThis custom monster rug is going to look sweet in my D and D themed nerd castle. I’m gonna tell people I killed it myself, with a buffed-up Dwarven bow and an invisibility ring. Phaw. Wasn’t even wearing the ring. Etsy seller DarkKnitsEtsy will make it custom, however you like. Then all you have to do is act like you were tough enough to bring the best down and impress your friends.

It already has a strip going down the back that makes it look like it was run over with a moped. Which in fact is a far more likely method of me killing a fierce beast.
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Alien Carjackers Sculpture

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carjackingI’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You can’t trust an alien. They will steal your car and go for a joy ride. Like the honey badger, they just don’t care. This sculpture shows them stealing a 1929 Ford Model A in the middle of the New Mexico desert as they make their escape from military personnel.

I hear ya. “But they were just escaping”.

Oh, so they don’t like getting poked and prodded huh? Neither do human rectums! I hope they blasted that car out of existence. Bitter? Yeah I’m bitter. And butt-hurt too. Take my advice. Never let them lure you into a UFO by dangling a Snickers on a stick. I really wanted to believe that levitating candy would be magical and sparkly. It was going to grant me the power of flight. *tears* Boy was I wrong.

Oh look. A Kit-Kat attached to fishing line. Gotta go. I’m off to chase the dream. That better not be you Bigfoot.
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One Of A Kind Black Bear Bench: Does A Bear Sit In The Woods?

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bear benchWhat’s this grizzly sight? Now you can sit on a bench with a bear to the left of you and a bear to the right. That’s some high octane bear power right there. Do I want this bench? Does a bear sit in the woods? Yes. Yes he does. And he sits with me because we are best buds. We’ll be sharing honey pots and passing around the tasty tree grubs. Catching fish with our bear hands. Good times.

That’s how I picture my bear adventure, but you and I both know that in reality this is just a bear butt-urinal, with you in the middle. Why else would bears park themselves on each side. These guys are each taking a massive and when they are done, they will climb out, leaving you in a toxic fog.

No friggin’ way I’m buying this bench.
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