What up Baby Squidlet? You aint nothing but talcum powder and tentacles. Stop your squirming squidlet. You aint even wearing a diaper. Probably cuz you just wipe yourself like crazy with those tentacles when you make a dukie. I wish I had that kind of butt-wiping action, but no, I have to go through like a roll of TP just to break even and even then I still have mudd-butt. You are gonna look awesome in my curio cabinet.
Tag: bizarre
Dog Faux Taxidermy Heads
Boy are my dogs tired. Guess I better retire them and put their barking heads on the wall. These Dog Faux Taxidermy Heads from LisaPay look pretty realistic. What? A Boston Terrier? You’re barking up the wrong tree! I’m more of a Great Dane man. More like I love a great danish. You put these trophy heads on the wall and people will think that you are a dog serial killer. I don’t mean a dog that goes around killing people and calls himself the Zodiac Shiatsu. I mean it will look like you are the sicko. Anyway, nobody will ever catch the Zodiac Shiatsu or the Ted Bundy Beagle. They are too crafty.
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Spike The Nail Head
Meet Spike The Nail Head. A fun sculpture that you can decorate your house with. You know what his dad said when he was born? “Nailed it!” Boy did he ever. He’s cousins with Pinhead, but they had a falling out. You should see their other cousin, Staplehead. They all claim they are Hellraisers, but the only thing they’ve raised is a bunch of heck and kids with various objects in their heads.
Purified Cow’s Urine – Need Cow Pee? Urine Luck!
I’m not sure why anyone would want Purified Cow’s Urine. Or PCU as I am sure they refer to it in the cow urine biz. Supposedly it “improves digestion and intelligence” among other things.
If you say so.
You know what else improves digestion and intelligence? Eating some fruit while reading a book! If it really improved intelligence, guys like Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking would be underneath a cow all the time, trying to get smarter so they can solve the mysteries of the universe. But guess what? You can’t solve the mysteries of the universe with cow golden showers!
Myth busted!
Your welcome!
NSFW The Paranormal Life and Times Of Jerry Wells
NSFW Warning due to foul potty mouths.
I have no idea who Jerry Wells is. Maybe he’s the one who lives in the haunted house that looks like a double-wide trailer. Maybe he’s the neighbor that shows up to help them with their paranormal troubles. I have no clue. But this is his Youtube channel. Basically, a bunch of freaky stuff happens to this family of… (Be politically correct. Be politically correct…) crimson-necked Nascar attendees. They have some serious poltergeist activity that no doubt forces them to miss out on things like Walmart sales and buying Dale Earnhardt merch on QVC. Cuz this stuff is some dramatic activity. And it moves with them from place to place.
The first video starts off with papa bear enjoying a smoke and a mountain dew on his EZ chair, just chillin’ in front of his confederate flag drapery. Pretty soon, all hell breaks loose. And by hell, I mean bad acting. Here’s the first line of dialogue: “I’m so glad we went out and got this new camcorder…” Yeah. seems legit. It’s worth watching it all the way through. It’s like the Beverly Hillbillies lost all of their money and got ghost-rich up in this crib.
The ghost starts to mess with the piano at one point, but I’m guessing it was just a gerbil they stuck in there. Make your own follow up joke. At one point the dude reaches in the kitchen cabinet (Which is full of their best china…Red party cups) and grabs a plastic red party cup. Dude pours his coffee in, pops it in the microwave and wonders why the ghost messed with the microwave. This stuff is para-not-normal gold.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlEFd6Maogg
Click through for another vid of a kid’s birthday party where a ghost destroys the kitchen. Here are some highlights:
Kids are happy, despite the genetic chutes and ladders game taking place in that room. Candles are getting lit. They start singing happy birthday. Candles get blown out. Then at the 1:00 mark shizz gets real!
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