Tag: cool

Bullet Bouquets: In Boom Right Now

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bullet bouquet
Bullet Bouquets. They boom when they bloom. But enough of that gloom and doom. Artist Anthony Zambai and wife create these Bullet Bouquets. Bang bang, bloom bloom. Flower power. Each bouquet is made of authentic, spent hollow point bullets. They are sold as tiny pots of 3 to 12 “buds”. Hey bud. Boom.

They make great gifts. Nothing says I love you like spent ammunition that you “spent” your money on. These bullets could have been used to kill a living thing, but instead, I present them to you as flowers. Please love me. I’m so alone and my impending mortality scares me.

Awesome Fantasy Figurines For Your Mom’s Basement

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fantasy figurines
Try not to have a nerdgasm when looking at Etsy seller DemiurgusDreams assortment of cool fantasy figurines. You’ll definitely need to make some space in your mother’s basement if you’re going to collect them all. Hey, I ain’t judging. I may not live with my mom, but she lives with me. I choose to take the basement cuz I’m cool like that. Just like I choose to spend my weekends free from any members of the opposite sex. I’m better than you is what I’m saying. No, not really. I’m a sad sad man and I need to buy some kick-ass fantasy creatures to make it all better.

I’m gonna buy ’em all and make them fight on my shelf. Take that life! These miniature beasts are a soothing salve for my awkward nerdiness and permanent butt-acne.
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Dragon Lawn Flamingos

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dragon flamingo
Lawn flamingos are soooo 1950s trailer park. These days it’s all about dragons. Because dragons are awesome and breath fire and fly through the sky like they own that shizz. Cuz they do. I’ve seen the deed. You don’t mess with dragons. That’s why you should decorate your yard with these Dragon Lawn Flamingos from Etsy seller CedarMoon.

I just ordered like 5. I’m using them as bait. I’m hoping it will attract that chick from Game of Thrones. She’ll see them in my yard and be all like, “OMG dragons. Can I be your Queen?” I’ll be all like, “Yeah, but I only have one throne and that ain’t no game on Taco night. Cool?”
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Adventure Time Pocket Plush Toys

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adventure time plush
They had me at Adventure Time, but when they told me to grab a friend, I have to admit I came up with nothin’. So I grabbed my cat and we sat through the first 4 seasons. Man that show is whacked. Fist/Paw bump! Ow! Claw me to shreds much? It’s cool, homies take care of homies. Forever!

These Adventure Time Pocket Plush Toys are plush. They fit in your pocket. Basically it’s an excuse to wear a bunch of extra pockets so each can have a home on my body. Otherwise known as the land of Ewww! All of you plushes can shut your plush hole. I’ll put deodorant on when I’m good and ready!

The seller has all kinds of cute little plushes, but I ran out of pockets after my mom sewed the 9th one on my T-shirt. Now I look like the Hollywood Squares, plush edition. Shut up Lemongrab! The answer to every question is not “Unacceptable!”
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These LEGO Fast Food Buildings Are Making Me Hungry

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fast food lego buildings
Etsy seller ABSDistributors makes all kinds of cool custom LEGO toys, but the best are these fast food buildings, so your minifigs can go in and eat, get all fat like Americans do. Hey, I’m not knocking it. I’m an American and I’m stuffing my face as I write this, even if it is hard to see the letters on my keyboard thanks to a thick dusting of Cheeto particulate.

They have replica interiors and everything. Once you put your minifigs inside that McDonalds, it will be so realistic that you’ll be complaining about how the kid behind the counter is a dumbass and why is it taking a half hour for one Big Mac and an order of fries anyway? Look, can I speak to your manager? I can’t play with these things. I’m getting way too stressed just thinking about it. WTF! I didn’t order a Sprite! My whole day is ruined now. Why is it so hard to get the order right?

That’s it! I’m dismantling the whole damn thing and putting up an Arbys.
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