Tag: crab

Bizarre Fingercrab Sculpture

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Bizarre Fingercrab Sculpture
Check out this Bizarre Fingercrab Sculpture. It’s not only giving you the finger but all five of ’em. Except they’re all scaly and gross. What do you expect from fingers that live in a shell. Is this a Hermit Crab? More like a Dermit Crab, cuz it looks like it has a serious case of dermatitis. It’s well-manicured, I’ll give it that. Then I’ll give it a high five and that shell will snatch my hand, and replace it with this scaly nightmare. That’s how it lives forever see.

It could be much worse though. It could be a weird Hermit crab with a peen or five hanging out the shell. *shudders* Hell no. If I saw that, I’d have to smash it with a ball-peen hammer. Cuz that’s the only way to smash a Hermit-Peen horror. Five peen Freddy will become 4 peen Franky real quick. I wonder who does these Fingercrab Sculpture  nails and if I can get their number. If you got a finger fetish, and you probably do if you are lingering here, also check out the very strange and odd Fingerboy Horror Sculpture. I gave them both the finger, cuz I don’t give a f**k!

Huge Stuffed Crab

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Huge Stuffed Crab
Huge Stuffed Crab! Huge Stuffed Crab! What’s it stuffed with? I don’t know. Probably your hopes and dreams and kitten wishes, all riding on the fragrant wind of unicorn farts. This stuffed crab is huge! XXL at least.

I haven’t seen crabs this big since the STD clinic near Fukushima got hit with gamma radiation. Don’t make these crabs angry. You wouldn’t like them when they’re angry. They get all crabby. Which is pretty much expected from a crab actually. They are grabby and crabby. They’ll pinch you and make you all scabby.
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Deep Sea Critter Lid Lifters

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

deep sea critter lid lifter
These Deep Sea Critter Lid Lifters are cool. You know what sea creatures hate? Pots that boil over. I know from personal experience because my wife is a raging sea hag and she can’t even cook a bowl of noodles. *dodges a bowl of flying boiling water* You missed me bi-

Update: Typing this from the library now because boiling water and blogging do not mix. Been picking boiled pasta from my keyboard for 2 hours. I’ll be headed to a Best Buy right after, so I can get screwed on a new laptop and no, if it doesn’t cover a rampaging wife from hell, I don’t want your warranty!

Anyway, where was I? Yeah, so these lid lifters look like sea creatures escaping from your boiling pot. That’s what all the food looks like in my house. Like me, everything just wants to escape her clutches. Looks like it’s going to be another night dining at Chez Kit-Kat with a side of Burger King. I better call Cthulhu and see if she simmered down before I head home. Also gonna get a waterproof case for my new laptop.