Tag: creature

These Cool Monster Mugs Will Bite Your Face Off

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These Cool Monster Mugs Will Bite Your Face Off
Etsy seller MonsterMug isn’t called that because of their acne problem or cuz they are just plain ugly. They may be horrendous. Don’t know, never met them. I’ve heard stories though. But they go by that name cuz they make awesome and scary monster mugs. Kinda like that lady cashier I always run into at the Quicky Mart, except those are monster jugs. Really, nothing at all like that, except that it rhymes.

These mugs are fun and playful, but scary and they look like they want to bite your face off. One question: If I’m drinking out of a monster mouth? Are we swapping spit?
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Monster Maggot In A Jar

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Monster Maggot In A Jar
I’ve seen my share of maggots. Don’t ask. But I’ve never seen a Monster Maggot before. I’m not even sure what to say about it. Cuz only bad things rhyme with maggot. And since that’s the grade level I’m at, I’m kind of at a loss. It’s a cyclops maggot cuz it only has one eye. Those teeth look pretty sharp. The face is pretty ugly too. Which is exactly what my dentist says to me. Followed by “Shhhh. Sleepy time now.”

These Monstrous Pet Rocks Will Leave You Petrified

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These Monstrous Pet Rocks Will Leave You Petrified
VoodooDelicious sells some horrifying pet rocks. You can’t just go out in nature and find pet rocks like these, not that I’ve experienced nature ever. I’m chained to this computer so I can bring awesome stuff like this to your attention. These rocks rock! Don’t ever take them for granite!

I’m gonna put one of these on my desk to remind me that there are horrors in this world. And also so I can hit people in the head. You never know when you’re gonna need a weapon. And these rocks will look them in the face while bashing them. That’s gotta count for something.
These Monstrous Pet Rocks Will Leave You Petrified

These Monstrous Pet Rocks Will Leave You Petrified

Monster UV reactive mask

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Monster UV reactive mask
Holy shizz this guy is ugly. This Monster UV reactive mask is gonna be the perfect way to terrorize my neighbors. UV stands for ultra venereal, which as we all know, makes you glow like a radioactive freak and spreads from your weiner to your face. Huh? Ultra Violet? What the hell is that? Is that like Blu-Ray? Cuz I’m still rockin’ the VHS tapes.

Handcrafted Critter Horror Toy

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Handcrafted Critter Horror Toy
Look. A Critter Horror toy! Critters are the worst. You get with the wrong woman in the wrong part of town and you got nothin’ but critters all over your junk and the pharmacist is all like, “This’ll get rid of ’em” so you lather your firepole and bean bags up real good and nothin’. You still got critters everywhere, bitin’ and itchin’, making your junk feel like a whopper cuz it’s all flame broiled down there at this point. These guys are nasty.