Tag: creature

Scottish Wood Imp Looking In The Mirror

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Scottish Wood Imp Looking In The Mirror
What the deuce?! This Scottish Wood Imp Looking In The Mirror is horrified by what he is seeing. I don’t blame him. I am too. He’s all flapping his imp wings and scratching the frame with his nails. He always thought he was more handsome than that. Nope. That’s why ya never show an imp a mirror. Actually you know what? I don’t think he’s scared. Check out that impish grin. I think he is trying to have sex with that handsome imp in the mirror. That explains all of the scratching and excitement. I hope he doesn’t break the mirror with his erection. That’s seven years bad luck cuz your pee pee is sore for that long. Unless he’s l-imp? Ha ha ha ha ha. And his name is Dick. Ha ha ha ha.

I should get out more.

Dragon Eye Pendants

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Dragon Eye Pendants
It’s the… Eye of the dragon. It’s the thrill of the fight. Rising up to the challenge of our rival.And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night. And… he’s… watching us all… with the eyeeeeeeeee…. of the dragon! Love that song. These sweet Dragon Eye Pendants from CharlieMorgon are watching you and watching me. There’s no telling what they see. Although masturbation is a high probability. Just sayin’. All I’m sayin’ is maybe put some black tape over the eye before you do the deed, just like you would with your webcam. It’s just good advice.
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Glass Octopus Pendants

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Glass Octopus Pendants
Hey Octopus! Your ass is grass and I’m the lawn mower. Wait, is that how the saying goes. More like, your ass is glass and I’m the Glassblower. Haha. Burn! Wait, that really sounds wrong. Anyway, these Glass Octopus Pendants are awesome. What’s Kraken? Hopefully not these guys! They can’t take a hit, cuz I heard they have a glass jaw. I wonder where they’re from. Glass-gow? Enough dumb-(gl)ass Octopus jokes. These glass octopus pendants from EmergentGlassworks are going to look great on you. Especially if you are wearing an ocean themed shirt. You ladies are gonna rock-to-pus this octopus.
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Monster Light Switch Cover Plates

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Monster Light Switch Cover Plates
*Flips switch* Ow! Cut my finger on the teeth again. Ow! Damnit! Now I probably have an infection from Monster saliva. What the hell. I didn’t need the lights on anyway. Gonna use candles from now on. Stupid Monster Light Switch Cover Plates. Plus, that puddle of drool/saliva on the floor under the light switch is probably a safety hazard. These guys still aren’t housebroken. And I’m sick of brushing their teeth once a month! That’s more than I brush my own.

If you don’t mind all that, you can choose from this one or this one.
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Tentacles and Teeth Pocket Watch

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Tentacles and Teeth Pocket Watch
Let me see what time it is. I don’t want to be late for- DEAR EFFING GOD! This Tentacles and Teeth Pocket Watch won’t give you the time, but it might give you a heart attack. What time is it guv-ner? You dare ask me for the time you timeless cretin? Here let me show you. *Guy screams and holds his head.* There’s the time! It’s teeth and tentacle time! Look closer! It’s half past horror and a quarter to insanity! Now off with you, before I show you the alarm function!

If this watch takes a licking,but keepson ticking, it can die,cuz I ain’t lickin’ that.