Hey, look at those shoes. No wonder you’re so stupid. You’ve been standing on your brains all day. *Chuckles to myself loudly* Brains Platform Shoes deliver a roundhouse kick to my head. I fall on the floor.
*Woman stands over me. Hands on hips* Actually, they are decorated with the brains of those who have wronged me. All men, which is why it took so long to cover them.
What has 6 eyes, 6 arms and two legs, a bunch of stitches and dinner twitching all around it? The Frankenstein Spider Doll. I don’t know if she’s poisonous or not, but she has style.
Guys, I don’t want to scare you but I think I might have the whole Spider-Man thing going on. I was bit by a spider one time and I spent the whole day spinning web out of my butt and bouncing up and down on one strand.
“That was the day you were Peter Pan in the school play. You also had tacos! That janitor was 2 days away from retirement.”
Okay, how do you explain that I would grab a hunk of meat out of the fridge, use both hands to spin a saran wrap cocoon around it and then suck the blood dry?
“That was your ‘I’m afraid to touch meat’ phase, which coincided with your ‘I’m afraid to chew meat’ phase. Basically you are a neurotic and hypochondriac idiot!”
I don’t know what that means, but fine. You still can’t explain why my spider abdomen got so huge overnight.
“Because your spider abdomen is full of half priced booze and stuffed crust pizza. And by overnight, you must mean every night.”
How do you explain my presence on the world wide web then. Hah! I win!
Read more “Frankenstein Spider Doll With Victims”
Check out these cool toy sculptures by Seymour. They’re all trippy and freaky and scary like. This is like the land of Adventure Time only with more magic mushrooms. Or demonic Garbage Pail Kids from another dimension.
I like that hamburger dude wearing his brains on his crotch area. I can relate. I’m told that I think with my crotch all the time. I should probably send my crotch to college and better it. Get it a degree. Maybe Ivy league. Nah, Ivy would make my crotch itch. Anyway, I’m calling this guy “Purple Nerd Burger”. Check out some even trippier sculptures below. I gotta go. I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.yeah. yeah. oh yeahhhhh!
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These monsters from Monsterarm are all melted and freaky. But in a good way. They’re cute, crazy and creepy. I especially like the guy on the toilet, who was inspired by the movie “Ghoulies”. I like how he got that drippy effect on all of these monsters, like they’re melting down into a pile of goo. Is it wrong that I want to lick them?
These melted monsters will melt your heart, then eat it all up like a gooey bloody grilled cheese sandwich. Which reminds me. It’s lunch time. Later peeps and creeps. This monster is hungry.
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Your purse is a guppy! This purse is a shark! Embrace the shark ladies! This Open Mouth Shark Purse is hungry and waiting for all of your lady stuff. No, that didn’t sound right. I mean, like your lipsticks, eyeliner and whatever else you ladies keep in your purses. Wear it during shark week.
Just like a real shark’s mouth, everything disappears forever once it goes into a purse. I don’t know how many times my phone number has mysteriously disappeared when a woman sticks it in her purse. I’m gonna need a bigger note. Get it? Jaws. Need a bigger boat? Oh whatever. Of course, that was before cell phones. Which are now the new shark. Oh, sorry my phone ate your number. Do you want it again? Uh, no.