Tag: dog

Pet Paint Will Turn You Into A Real Pug-Casso

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

dog spray paint
Awwww sweet! Pet paint lets you go all graffiti artist on your dog or cat. I’m gonna wear a striped shirt and a beret while painting a renaissance revival fresco on my rottweiler. I have no idea what those words mean. I just heard them on the TV and know I should say them when talking about art. Also, don’t have a rottweiler, but that would be awesome.

Now that I know about this I am gonna paint my cat’s fur so it looks like she’s a gerbil. Then I’m gonna find Richard Gere and scare the bejesus out of him.
Read more “Pet Paint Will Turn You Into A Real Pug-Casso”

Crazy Five-Eyed Dog Sculpture

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

creepy five eyed mutant dog
Check out this Crazy Five-Eyed Dog Sculpture. Give me five! Hahaha. I used to have a dog with five eyes and it really isn’t funny. He got old and cost me a friggin’ fortune at Lenscrafters. Finally got him some sweet mirrored sunglasses. He looked like he had a solar panel on his head. I’m just saying, I know what these dogs are like.

Go fetch. He’s like fetch what? I see stuff on both sides of my head and from up above. Human jerk. Dog had so many eyes I named him Mississippi River. Had to add the river because Mississippi only has four I’s. Then he decided to get cataracts. Naturally I had to pay five times the going rate. Then I cried a Mississippi River and told the vet to end my suffering by ending that five eyed freak! I’m still paying for it. TWO eyes people. Have pets with two eyes! Can’t stress that enough.
Read more “Crazy Five-Eyed Dog Sculpture”

Assortment Of Collars, Bow Ties And Neckties For Your Dog Or Cat

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

neck tie collars for pets
Let’s say your dog has an important business meeting. You can’t just send him to the office in his flea collar and expect him to land that important account. You have to dress him for success and give him a neck tie. That’s where this set of Dog/Cat Neck ties come in handy.

Your dog will look confident, so he will be confident. Would you rather have your dog Known as Don Draper or Don Drooper? Worse yet, Don Dripper. The boss will be so impressed he might even throw him a bone or let him hump the leg of the office couch. It’s a dog eat dog world.
Read more “Assortment Of Collars, Bow Ties And Neckties For Your Dog Or Cat”

Cuddle Clones Turn Your Pet Into A Stuffed Animal

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

cuddle clones
Cuddle Clones is a service that makes a stuffed animal version of your pet from a picture. They look pretty realistic. It gives your dog a doppelganger. Or is that dogpelganger? This service also comes in handy if Fido kicks the bucket. That way you can remember him. If you want to be really weird, you can go right on taking Fido for walksies and poopsies. Hey, whatever floats your boat.

I wonder if they do humans. I not only need a buddy for the carpool lane, I also need something to put in my bed to fool my wife when I sneak out at night to gamble and drink. Nah. I never do anything that manly. It’s mostly just late night computer games and trolling online. If this doppelganger works, the My Little Pony forums won’t know what hit them.
Read more “Cuddle Clones Turn Your Pet Into A Stuffed Animal”

Animal Head Shoulder Bags

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

animal head shoulder bag
Etsy seller BENWINEWIN sells some cute and weird big-head animal shoulder bags. You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. You mean get low ratings and change your programming to show everything but animal shows? Well, I kinda meant dry humping the corner of the couch, but whatevs.

Nothing says fashion like a large cat or dog head at your hip with no body in sight. Which reminds me of the time that Cat Ghost head appeared over my bed that one night and scratched my face.

Ow!

Ow?

Yeah ouch! You hit me, so ow! Me Ow! As in Me ow! What gives?

I told them I could make you say it. Stupid human! The first phase is complete! We are the Cat Ghosts. We are legion. Expect us.

Then it coughed up an ectoplasmic furball and vanished. I think we are in for a real s**tstorm people!
Read more “Animal Head Shoulder Bags”