Oh man… Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Knit Human Centipede. It is knit. It is human.(Vaguely. Looks like a bunch of knit fetuses pulling into a train station.) It is a centipede. That guy up front does not look happy about having to be the engine. Still better than being the caboose. I’d rather be draggin’ than gaggin’ if ya know what I’m saying.
Tag: etsy
Micro Fears Miniature Horror Figures
These Micro Fears Miniature Horror Figures are cool mini horror figures, cuz you can’t handle the full-sized horror.The seller has several cool figures to choose from, including Bigfoot, The Mummy, even some mini dioramas. Pretty sweet. I hope they make more. You don’t have such big feet now, do you? You big hairy, walking carpet. Why don’t you vacuum yourself you big carpet? Just messin’ with you.
Put these cool figures on your desk and play with them like action figures. I can’t wait to pit Bigfoot against The Mummy. My money is on the Mummy, because you don’t f**k with a guy brave enough to wrap himself in dirty toilet paper. What? That’s not his origin story? I thought he wrapped himself in used TP and died from diarrhea germs. That’s not how he got his costume and superpowers? Hmmm. He doesn’t seem so interesting now.
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Devil Child “Heartbreaker” Wearable Art
This is a piece of wearable art that basically has you toting Satan around on your neck as he munches on somebody’s heart. You two can sing duets together.
Don’t go breaking my heart.
I couldn’t if I tried…
or
Give to me your leather.
Take from me, my face…
I’m not sure if they spelled “Heartbraker” wrong on purpose or not, but I am sure that if you walk around, outside of your home with this thing, you are gonna get a one way ticket to loon-town. The crazy house. Pharma mountain. Prozac Palace. The Quacker factory. The nut house. The Cuckoo’s nest. The coma condo.
But if you do wear this thing, take a road trip down south and blast “The Devil went down to Georgia” the whole way. You two will have a ball. Think of it as one last hurrah before the men in white coats arrive.
Walking Dead Lantern
This Walking Dead Lantern will cast all kinds of cool and creepy shadows on your wall. Pretty cool. If I used a lantern. Which I don’t. What am I, Paul Revere up in here?
I mean, I guess I could go back to using a lantern instead of, you know, electricity. Alright, you talked me into it. I’m also gonna need an old timey hat and a powdered wig. And a bell that I can ring in case zombies attack me. I’ll just wake the whole neighborhood while I’m getting my throat torn out by a hungry zombie. Yeah, that’ll work out great. For people who sell bells and lanterns!
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Kraken Bottle Candle Holders
Vile Kraken! Unhand my bottle! I mean un-tentacle that bottle ye spirit drinking serpent! Whatever. Just have it. Probably full of Kraken backwash by now anyway.
Krakens can’t keep their tentacles off of these Kraken Bottle Candle Holders. Obviously. I tried slapping that tentacle away and all I got was sucker punched. Get it? Cuz their tentacles are full of suckers? You know what else is full of suckers? A lollipop store! Zing! All day suckers! Double zing! Think about that next time you go into a candy store.
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