You know when you are walking outside and you get a spiderweb in your hair? So you scream and try to get it off and you end up on your hands and knees crying? This Spiderweb Hat Spider Headpiece is like that. Only on purpose.
Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive… Yeah, but practice makes perfect. And I’ve practiced smacking myself all over the head every time I get a spiderweb in my hair. I can no longer remember people’s names, but I’m pretty sure I’m spider-free.
Check out this Bird Brain Bird Skeleton Headdress. It leans forward to whisper commands that the wearer will have no choice but to follow. You are completely at it’s mercy as it digs it’s bony talons into your brain, sinking in deeper everyday. Nagging at you from your cerebral cortex.
It’s a lot like being married. Damn. You just got burned wife! Zing! Oh snap! *Mocking with hands on hips.* No you dit’int! Oh yes I did!
And with that I have to go pack now. She reads the blog everyday and she’ll be home soon. And since I don’t have time to hide all of the knives and heavy pans, it’s easier to just leave.
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This Drinks With Death Halloween Fascinator doesn’t scare me. I’ll drink death under the table. ANOTHER! *Slams shot glass down on the table. Wipes my lips with my arm. Stares intently at death. Then passes out and hits the table after the first drink.*
This fun Halloween Fascinator (That’s a fancy word for putting absurd things on your head.) has a drunken skeleton clutching a cherry-topped cocktail and a light-up brain. Which describes the end of my work day pretty well actually. He’s even laying in the same position, except I’m clutching my computer, not a brain. There are also two eyeballs.
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Put your thinking cap on. For real. This Mad Science Brain Cap makes it look like Dr. Frankenstein has been hard at work floggin’ your noggin. Technically it’s called the “The prefrontal cortex interference cap”, or PCIC, but that’s too many fancy words in a row for me. I just call it a “head case”, but that’s just me lashing out because that’s what I get called.
Words hurt people. If one more person looks at my fat man gut and asks me if I’m pregnant, Imma pee on ’em and tell ’em my water broke!
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