This nose nose when you need some shower gel. Just like I know how to pick a winner of a weird item. Heh. Pick a winner. Like boogers. If boogers were a lottery I’d be a millionaire by now. And the wall by my bed would be full of numbered lottery balls instead of dried and flicked nose-nuggets.
Give this big honker a squeeze and it will drip out a snot rocket or two so you can get nice and clean. The Runny Nose Shower Gel Dispenser. drip some boogers and wipe yourself clean with them.
I am stuck on band aid brand cos band aid’s stuck on me! Leave a message that will get people’s attention. No one gives a s**t when they see your stupid little post-it note. Bandages get people’s attention. That’s why i use these Bandage Sticky Notes. I’ll write stuff like:
“If ya find this note fab, I’ll show you my scab. I pick it all day, and all through the night. It’s now an infection, and it’s on my er*ction. PS Can you pick me up from the ER? Thanks”
Read more “Bandage Sticky Notes”
Whatcha doin’ rubber lips? Just being a Rubber Lips Wall Hanging and hanging around, waiting to be kissed? What’s that? If I kiss you, you’ll turn into a beautiful full fledged woman? Yeah, but will you still be rubber? Doesn’t matter, my last relationship was the same way. I’ll hang you at lip height so I can kiss you. Then the magic happens. Let’s just get rid of that cigarette first. Those lips sure are nice.
*Looks around to make sure nobody is watching.* You know what, that space is reserved for a poster I have my eye on. I’m just gonna put you wayyy down here at belt buckle level. Just below. Yeah, cuz wall space is at a premium. Hey, you know what…..
Chicken butt!
You people and your dirty minds. I just have very little wall space. Geesh!
I wish I had one of these Wine Bottle Life Preserver Covers for that cruise I took last summer. And by cruise I mean single fat white dude floating down a river in an inner tube, hugging a bag of Doritos and a bottle of wine.
The water got pretty rough and upended my bag of chips and I lost that bottle of wine as I helplessly floated away. I shouted, “Man overboard! I mean Booze overboard!” but there was nothing I could do but cry and mourn as the water carried me away. So needless. Such a senseless loss. Next time I’ll be prepared. Might even have pants on too. But not likely.
Sweet! An Apple watch that I can actually afford! Looks close enough to fool people from like 2 miles away too. I’ll probably still have to upgrade this one every friggin’ year!
The down side is that it breaks super easy, which is okay with me because I can’t even figure how to tell the damn time on it. Maybe one of those genius dudes can explain it to me. You know it’s awesome cuz of how thin it is.
Read more “Apple Watch For Poor People”