Intruder alert! Intruder alert! This scary intruder is peeking around the door to bugger me bum-diddly-um-hole. Or something like that. Whatever this dude is up to, I don’t want any part of that and neither do you. That’s why this is the ultimate prank.
He’s similar to the Scary Tapping Peeper and the Peeping Tom or the Peeping Clown.
Jeepers creepers, that’s a lot of peepers. See, this is why ya gotta keep your peepers peeled. These creepers are always out to get you.
I think I’m gonna get this Underpants Wallet so that the next time I have to make a Doritos run at 3 AM, I have something that matches my outfit. Which is cheeto-stained underwear and an unbuttoned flannel shirt. Oh and flip-flops. Hey, “No shirt, no shoes no service.” Even I have to follow the rules, despite being a blogging rockstar.
I’ll also have two Slim-Jims my good man. The clerk will be pleased I have a less sweaty place to hold my cash. Cuz that flannel shirt has no pockets.
Jeepers creepers, why is this guy going all peepers and looking in my window and tapping on the glass? *Screams like a girl in the full throws of beatlemania, puts hands to face and falls over fainting.* Beatlemania. It was a thing. Look it up.
Damn this Tapping Peeper is scary. Scarier than that other one we featured awhile back. This one taps on the glass so you will jump right out of your skin, call the cops and then grab the shotgun and every knife in the kitchen, run back in the room and see it again, then have a heart attack.
Tapping Peeper. *Giggles* Sounds dirty. I’d tap that. With my peeper.
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Gravity is a Biatch! Sometimes you need a little help. Like from this Hooter Hoister Power Lift Bra. It helps hoist your hooters just like the package says.
Say, I wonder if they make this for pizza/beer gut. Right now I’m using a sophisticated pulley system with suspenders. Let me know if any of you guys have any solutions. Besides the obvious, which is “stop being a fat ____!” I already heard that one. Many times.
Get off my lawn you hoodlum! NOW I know what that crazy old guy was talking about? He was afraid I would wrap my head in it’s own sleeping bag and nap on his lawn. The jokes on him. After I left, I doubled back and slept on his porch while he was watching Matlock. No reason really. It was tiring eating that Big Mac and large fries.
Why did you walk to McDonalds?
I didn’t. Dude’s house was a rest stop between me and the car. I get winded after like 30 feet. I’m bringing this thing with me next time so my face stays all toasty.
Read more “The Hoodlum: A Sleeping Bag For Your Head”