Tag: gothic

Bat & Coffin Toilet Paper Holders

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Bat & Coffin Toilet Paper Holders

These Bat & Coffin Toilet Paper Holders will scare the s**t out of you, but the good news is that you have plenty of TP. This decor is the best way to take a creepy caca. Or a great guano. You know, what bats do. You can choose one or buy both. You’d have to be batty to not buy these awesome Bat & Coffin Toilet Paper Holders.

They will look amazing with these Gothic Bat Hand Towels if you have a bat theme. And who doesn’t? You have to have bats in your belfry. You just have to. Bats are cool! Now for a little song. *clears throat* The bats in the Belfast belfry had a bewildered and bedazzled breakfast break before Brian the brainiest began breaking bad before a beleaguered and big breasted basilisk in a busted bra bragged and belittled the bastid!

Ok. that was not so much a song as it was the mating call of a mentally ill writer. But hey, that’s a lot of B words. I have a great vocabulary. The point is that I need these pieces of bat decor in my life. It’s called the bat room not the bathroom. Deal with it.

Mushroom Skeleton Art Doll – Macabre Mycelium

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Mushroom Skeleton Art Doll - Macabre Mycelium

I think I saw something like this Mushroom Skeleton Art Doll once when I was trippin’ balls. It taught me the ways of the forest and had me eat all of it’s friends. Man, I spent a year in the forest that weekend. Look at this gal with her deathly bonnet. This is what Tim Burton’s Little House on the Prairie looks like. Growing in the shade of a tree, just waiting for something to pass by so she can be all deadly.

Unlike these skull mushrooms, this Mushroom Skeleton Art Doll is deadly cute. Dare I say sexy? We would get along good, cuz I’m also a fun-guy. Did I hear one of you groan at that joke? Oh spore me! Like you could do better. Mycelium is better than your-celium.

Bloody Pearl Necklace Choker

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Bloody Pearl Necklace Choker

For the refined lady with a touch of darkness. I present to you the Bloody Pearl Necklace Choker. You are refined and intelligent, regal. But you long for the vampire’s breath gently caressing your neck, suddenly growing hot as he bares his teeth and goes in for the bite. At first, the pain is unbearable, but quickly becomes ecstatic. Your essence rushes out, pumped by his lustful need- Oh shizz, I was saying that out loud as I typed and now everyone at the library is looking at me. Hey, it’s where I write sometimes. That librarian must have dry lips. She keeps licking them as she watches me. Get some ChapStick freak!

Anyway, if you crave the excitement of vampiric exsanguination, but lack either a nearby vampire or good looks, this Bloody Pearl Necklace Choker is the next best thing. Look at that sophisticated and stylish splatter. Sexy! Now that’s a necklace!

Gothic Raven Purse – For The Birds

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Gothic Raven Purse - For The Birds

Wow. Now that’s a nice looking bag. That’s not just something they say in the bathhouse, it’s what they’ll say about this purse when you wear it. This Gothic Raven Purse is stunning. You might even say ravenous. I know I’m raven about it. You won’t catch me crowing about it though. That would be mixing my bird metaphors. Did you know that a group of ravens is known as an “unkindness”. Man, these birds have a bad reputation. But they look awesome on this Gothic Raven Purse accessory. Get your claws on one today!

I’ll have to write that fun fact down in my Raven Journal. It’s where I keep all of my raven related thoughts and dreams from prying eyes and nosy beaks. Did you know that they remember human faces? Come to think of it, that would explain why my car gets pooped on so damn often. Now that’s an unkindness. It’s downright rude. You point and laugh one time when a baby bird can’t get the worm and it makes you a lifelong poop target.

Gothic Bat Hand Towels

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Gothic Bat Hand Towels
Check out these super cool Gothic Bat Hand Towels. These look so cool. I don’t care if your bathroom is in a giant haunted mansion, an old victorian, or a trailer, these towels are going to goth up your guano room. They are great for Halloween, but I’m going to use these every day. Cuz I’m a good boy. I always wash my hands. These hand towels are soft and durable and feature an image of a bat and a crescent moon. I love it. Do you love it? Of course, you do. It’s 80% polyester, 20% cotton, and 100% awesome. Dry those hands on some Gothic Bat Hand Towels after you wash them. And if you don’t pick some of these up? Then you better dry your eyes with something else because you’ll be crying at the missed opportunity. I just love that design. Speaking of great design, check out this cool Bat crop top.