Tag: haunted

Mirror With A Haunted Face

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haunted mirrorMirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all? *Not you. You look like a fantasy troll who got into a car accident and then had botched reconstructive surgery. (Evil mirror laugh)* You see why I don’t have any mirrors in the house? *Smashes mirror(Because really, what’s another 7 years of this s**t?)*

Anyway, this haunted mirror on eBay has a super grumpy face. I’m calling him Grumpy Ghost, after the famous and grumpy internet cat, but I’m too lazy to make a funny image. The seller has a long and convoluted story(Of course) so I’ll just break it down for you below:
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Sammy Davis Jr. And Mini Burt Reynolds Dolls Are Ready To Haunt You

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sammy davis jr and burt reynoldsThis Ebay auction is for 4 haunted dolls for $9,999.99. But I’m only concerned about these two here. I don’t care what names they go by, I know Sammy Davis Jr. and Burt Reynolds anywhere. Together they will party down and haunt the sh*t out of a place. They starred in the Cannonball Run movies together. Burt is still alive, but whatever.

The seller says that these dolls are of the Guatemalan/Mayan Folk Saint San Simón Maximon. The seller also says:

“These things are powerful as sh*t. I have NEVER had Magick work so effectively as with San Simón.”

That is powerful. And since magic is spelled with a k, you know these dolls are gonna bring the funk and the psycho-kinetic gunk (ectoplasm). Basically the seller claims that they made a pact with this entity and he won’t let them out of the deal. So they are selling the dolls.

However, you will have to offer this spirit “money, tobacco, booze, black candles, bread or cakes, etc”. Well, that explains why these dolls are smoking up and sitting amid a pile of booze and coins. Sammy D and Burt Reynolds always did like to live it up. Now they are holding this poor seller hostage. And I find that hilarious. They can have my bread and cakes, even the money, but my booze and smokes are off limits.

Haunted Clown Doll Lays The Smack Down And Leaves A Burning Hand Print

Artemis Winterford5 Comments

haunted slap markThis little clown seen below looks harmless. Weird, but harmless. The story goes that a nice mother in law bought this doll two months ago for the seller’s 9 month old son Isaac. He was purchased from an antique center in Springfield, Ohio. They named him “Louie”.

Soon after, there were issues with items in the nursery being moved: Diapers hidden under the crib, clothing being removed from the dresser and thrown on the floor and they even woke up one night to the sound of Isaac babbling loudly. They rushed into his nursery and every single stuffed animal he had in the toy box was sitting upright with him in bed.
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Indian Ghost Haunts Children’s Book

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indian bookNo doubt upset by the fact that we took their land and no longer even include profiles of them on our currency, Indians have taken to haunting our children’s books. The seller says:
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Just Put The Knife Down And Nobody Gets Hurt: Haunted Elf On Shelf Doll

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elf on the shelfYou see that Elf on a Shelf doll? The one holding the knife? Well, it was recently sold to some poor idiot for a Best offer of somewhere under $39.99 on Ebay. The seller was selling it because as soon as she took the elf off the shelf and put it away, strange stuff started happening. Let this be a lesson to us all. KEEP THE ELF ON THE SHELF! Or else!
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