Hey ladies, want some cool wedgies? Uh, I meant wedges? No, really. Yeah, I’m a real lady’s man. *sigh* Just a slip of the tongue. Didn’t mean to scare you. I’ve never hiked a woman’s underwear up over her pants or skirt. Which sounds sad, actually. Anywho, these Gothic Death Bug Shoes are dark and delightful. Death bug? I don’t know what a death bug is, but they are all death bugs to me, cuz I kill ’em dead. Sure, I scream first. Nothing wrong with that. I get the job done.
Tag: heels
The Heels Have Eyes – Monster Shoes – Peep Toe
I’ve had my eyes on these shoes for a long time. Looks like I ain’t the only one. Everybody’s got their eyes on these Monster Shoes. And they’re all googly. Just a bunch of googly eyes and teeth. Do you like ’em? I only ask cuz beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Really, you like ’em? Cool. The eyes have it. All eyes will be on you when you wear these. No, for real.
My Little Pony Rainbow Dash Heels: Friendship Is Dollar Bills
People, people, people. I implore you. (Look at me using the big words) Ya gotta keep your girls off the pole. Otherwise they’ll end up dancing in some dark stinky nightclub dancing in these My Little Pony Rainbow Dash Stripper Shoes for some sweaty fat creep who has like two dollars to his name and crumbs all over his shirt. I only went that one time, but that’s beside the point.
Why do they say Toxic Cherry on the side? Cuz when you pop that cherry, it’s like a pinata full of STDs in a green cloud. I’m just guessing. Rainbow Dash? More like Rainbow cash. Or My Little Pole-ny!
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Ouija Board Heels
You women and your shoes. You have to have a show for every occasion. Dinner, parties, the beach, channeling the dead. Why is it not spelled Wee-ja? Stupid English language. Whatevs! These Ouija Board Heels from MissFiendishApparel are pretty neat.
Pardon me Miss, I couldn’t help but notice your amazing Ouija shoes. I’m pretty good at communicating with the departed. Mind if I have a go? Thank you. *Bends down on one knee. Takes a ring off my finger and uses it as a planchette. It slowly moves across the shoe* Mmmm, this is interesting.
What does it say?
It says congratulations, someone is looking up your dress!
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H.R. Giger Alien Heels: In Space No One Can Hear Your Calves Scream
These Alien inspired heels are super scary. I keep waiting for a second mouth to come out of the toe area and drool everywhere. Would I date a woman wearing these shoes? Hell to the no! No way am I letting her spend the night so that her shoes can go on a killing spree in my spaceship. And no way am I going to her place to find out what other shoes she has in her closet of horrors.
These shoes are so scary you need a Giger counter to measure the fear. Ha. See what I did there. I am so awesome. High five. How about a hug instead? Ahhh. Tricked you, I’m a face hugger!
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