Tag: horror

Crocheted Freddy Krueger

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Crocheted Freddy Krueger
Exerience the softer side of Freddy with this cute Crocheted Freddy Krueger. He kind of looks like an old man with that hat. Like he’s retired and playing golf in Florida somewhere with other retired movie slashers. The only nightmare on elm street these days are when his back pain is flaring up. Or when the weather makes his joints hurt. Hell, I’m not even scared of him anymore. He probably plays cards with my grandmother and bitches about the price of just about everything. I kinda feel sorry for him. Maybe he’s in an old folks home, drooling in some chair, lazily slashing at the air, reliving his glory days. Mouthing some words that no one can understand. Taking his pills every night.

See. Nothing to be scared of. Unless this is all part of his game to lure me in… Now I’m not sure. I’ll get back to you guys and let you know if I get attacked by this old dude. Or if I end up playing Scrabble with him. Hey, why wouldn’t I play? I like winning. Dude’s a vegetable.

Ouija Board Cutting Board

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Ouija Board Cutting Board
If I cut cheese on this Ouija Board Cutting Board, does that make it a Cheeja cutting board? Is that a cheesy joke? Anyhow, if you cut the cheese on a ouija board, it upsets the spirits. Boy did I learn that the hard way during a seance. Yeah, I woke the dead alright. The medium was gagging through a handkerchief, people passing out, the planchette just freaking out, whirling around the board and highlighting NO over and over and GOODBYE, like it wanted to commit suicide. I was the last one standing and I wasn’t invited back.

But enough about me. How have you been? It’s been so long. I feel like we never talk. K bye!

Ancient Cthulhu Tablet For Your Wall

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Ancient Cthulhu Tablet For Your Wall
This Ancient Cthulhu Tablet will look great on your wall. Just one more step in making your home look like an ancient temple to the Elder God. I mean I already have a bunch of cultists chanting in the basement. They even managed to open a portal so that the ancient one can enter our realm. Except the only thing that came through was a weird three-legged frog dog so far. Hang on. *Can you guys stop chanting? I’m trying to blog here!* Where was I? I can’t concentrate with all of this noise coming from down below-

Oh poopy. Things just got dead silent. And a tentacle is reaching out from under the basement door. What is thy bidding my master? ACK! ACK! OKING ME! TENT! ACK! TENTACLE CHOKING ME!

The United States of Horror

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The United States of Horror
Artist Laz Marquez has a cool art series called United States of Horror. Basically some classic movie monsters/villains and the states that they terrorize and murder in. So far it includes Freddy, Ghostface, Jason, and Leatherface. I guess there is probably a horror villain for every state, but I have no idea who the hell terrorizes Alaska. Oh yeah, isn’t that Sarah Palin? Oh, that is a scary place. If you want to buy a postcard set, find them here.
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Zombie Autopsy Key Chain

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Zombie Autopsy Key Chain
This Zombie Autopsy Key Chain is made from a doll head. Probably Barbie herself. It will help you to never lose your keys again. Cuz how can you lose your keys when they are attached to a zombie with his brain showing? You know what I just noticed? They have one of those fancy flame printed keys. Sweet! Dude probably has a hot rod with a matching paint job.

That’s okay cuz my key matches my car too. They’re both sh**ty and rusty. But I ain’t bitter.