You know those garden gnomes you have? They need some backup in order to keep your garden safe. These new Garden Critter Solar Lights will round out your garden nicely and besides, it will look like a damn Pixar movie in front of your house all day long. At night too, because these gopher and raccoon sculptures wear glasses that light up at night.

I would say these are perfect to keep animated bad guys from your garden. I’m gonna use them to illuminate a path to my door because my night vision isn’t so good.

My doctor is all like “Do you drink at night?” and I’m all like “Every night. Hence the night vision problem. Duh! What did they teach you in med school?” Then he takes the finger out and snaps his latex glove off. He’s all like, “So your cholesterol levels look fine then. See me again in two days.”

Sweet! He’s the best Doctor on Craigslist by far.