Hey girls. This fun Call Me Ouija Planchette Necklace is a great accessory. You put out the sign and I answered the call baby. Wait. I mean I called, cuz you told me too, and you answered the phone. That’s what I meant. You channeled my spirit and now you get to hear it. I promise I’ll talk soft and low as if from another plain of existence. You can ask me anything and I’ll make your planchette quiver in excitement as it hovers over YES YES YES. Just what I do. You’re welcome.
Tag: jewelry
Gothic Snake Ring
Why did it have to be snakes? I hate snakes. Especially goth snakes. Oh wait. I read that wrong. It’s a Gothic Snake Ring, not a Goth snake ring. I thought the lack of eyeliner and general lack of emo tendencies was a little strange. I don’t really hate snakes. I like ’em cuz they make cool jewelry. I just hate when you encounter them in nature. Good thing for me I never go out into “nature”. I’m paler than a redhead living in a cave. I had some plastic plants once and that’s the closest I ever got to nature. So I’m not afraid of no snakes, Goth or Gothic. Or even Gaelic.
Zombie Octopus Necklace
This Zombie Octopus Necklace is pretty cute, but how in the hell did he become a zombie? What? Zombies ran out of humans to bite and just started swimming, turning the sea life into zombies? His past is questionable is all I’m saying. Sort of like my own. Never ask me about the summer of 94 and that trip to Jersey with a tranny tied up in the back of the truck.
Hey, I said never ask me about it!
Fine, I was working for Pep Boys and delivering a transmission to Jersey and it took me like 2 days to get there. Sheesh. What’s with the third degree? I had to tie the transmission down in back cuz it had already fell off once and killed a deer. Almost killed the Jersey Devil too.
Oh…you thought I meant tranny. That’ll teach you to assume. Every time you assume you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me”. Heard that one in grade school.
Purple Gothic Dragon Eye Claw Ring
When you stare into the Purple Gothic Dragon Eye Claw Ring, the dragon stares back into your soul. That’s what they say anyway. Anywho, this is a sweet piece of jewelry for anyone who ever wanted to poke a dragon’s eye out and wear it. Can’t say I’ve had that urge. I’m all about the ethical treatment of fantasy animals. Mostly cuz I’d like to score with that Mother of Dragons chick on that HBO show. I think her name is Daenerys.
Daenerys, Mother of dragons? More like Delorous, Mother of 3 who is cashier at Target.
Whatevs. I get my entertainment mixed up with my store runs sometimes. And sometimes my store runs are so severe I go through like 3 rolls of TP, that’s when they let me use the bathroom at all. I’ve been brown-listed at most Targets. And listed as “most likely to clear out entire Walmarts”.
Gothic Gargoyle Cufflinks
These Gothic Gargoyle Cufflinks are gonna look great at that big shindig you are planning on attending soon. Whatever a shindig is. Sounds painful in the legs. You know what else is painful? Wearing a stone Gargoyle on each cuff. That’s what the mob calls it when they attach concrete to your hands and drop you in the river. Cement shoes. Concrete Converse. Sometimes Gargoyle cufflinks.
“You know too much. Vinny, fit this guy for some Gargoyle Cufflinks and give him a little boat ride.”
“No! I swear I never stole your mama’s Marinara recipe! Don’t kill me. Don’t kill me. Just curious, why Gargoyle cufflinks? Why not just a bag of cement on each hand? I swear I’ll never cross the Transylvanian mob again. Please! You guys are friggin weirdos!”