This Raven Claw Wall Mounted Hook is gonna come in real handy. I’m gonna mount it low on the wall and use it to scratch my back. You can use it as a coat hook, a jewelry hanger, you can put a crystal ball in it’s talons and make it look all creepy. It’s awesome cuz it looks like a bird just punched through your wall and is trying to grab at you. Just be careful when installing it. You have to be very talon-tid. ha ha ha ha ha. Not really that funny, I know. You know what is funny? Hanging one of those fake scrotums you see on the back of pick-up trucks in it’s talons. I am such an awesome interior designer! No need to thank me.
Tag: claw
Purple Gothic Dragon Eye Claw Ring
When you stare into the Purple Gothic Dragon Eye Claw Ring, the dragon stares back into your soul. That’s what they say anyway. Anywho, this is a sweet piece of jewelry for anyone who ever wanted to poke a dragon’s eye out and wear it. Can’t say I’ve had that urge. I’m all about the ethical treatment of fantasy animals. Mostly cuz I’d like to score with that Mother of Dragons chick on that HBO show. I think her name is Daenerys.
Daenerys, Mother of dragons? More like Delorous, Mother of 3 who is cashier at Target.
Whatevs. I get my entertainment mixed up with my store runs sometimes. And sometimes my store runs are so severe I go through like 3 rolls of TP, that’s when they let me use the bathroom at all. I’ve been brown-listed at most Targets. And listed as “most likely to clear out entire Walmarts”.
Crow Claw Necklace
This Crow Claw Necklace is cast from the real thing and ready to claw it’s way into your heart. Do you see those talons? I’m calling it the Freddy Kreuger bird from now on. I say you guys get this necklace and I’ll get one, then we meet at my place and play that crane game. We’ll all stand over a bunch of stuffed animals and prizes, then bend down and see if we can grab the stuff with our claw necklaces. Deal? I didn’t rig the game! Stuffs just slippery!
Squirrel Foot Key Holder
I’ve never had a squirrel punch it’s little hand through my wall and present keys to me, but I’m super stoked that this is now a possibility in my life. This Squirrel Foot Key Holder can make it happen. The little furry dude would put a hole in my wall, hold out the keys for me and I would hand him his nuts that I keep in my pocket.
I’m off to the store. Boom! Here’s your keys! I’m out. Keys! Now! Boom! Here you are boss. Sweeeeeet! Of course, within about 2 weeks my hallway would look like swiss cheese from all of the holes in the wall. Then I’d have to get my keys in another room. And another. And another. Until the house falls down all around me one day and I see that little hand punch up out of the debri, offering me my keys one last time. *teary eyed*
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Giant Lobster Claw Lamp
Damn. That’s one giant lobster claw. It’s perfect for that Spongebob Squarepants themed room you have been decorating. It can go right next to your crabby patty snack tray. Fun fact: I tried square pants for about a year, but my sharp butt corners kept tearing my couch to pieces. That is such BS that that guy can sit on any furniture.
Anyway, this giant lobster claw lamp will look great in any nautical themed room. It even has a spool of rope around the bottom like some now-dead sailor tried to catch it. Nope, Didn’t work. All you gave him was a lobster bracelet while his other claw snapped you clean in half.
No way I’m getting this lamp. With my faulty electrical system, this thing would reanimate every time I got a power surge. Playing “Turn the lamp on and see if you still have fingers after” is not a fun game. I already play a similar game every time I add another plug to that one mass of plugs I call my “one outlet to rule them all”. If it sparks that’s how you know it’s working. At least that leaves my fingers intact as it’s frying my body.
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