Tag: kraken

Giant Plush Squid With A Drinking Problem

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Giant Plush Squid With A Drinking Problem
This Giant Plush Squid With A Drinking Problem has been sold, which is sad. But if you ask the seller real nice, maybe they will make one for you, that also has a drinking problem.

You have a problem Squid! This is an intervention. Get those tentacles up and give me the booze now! Oh, that was easy. Thanks. I needed this, because I’m actually the one with a drinking problem. *Glog glog* Well, not a problem really. I thirst. I drink. Then I think I have a giant squid in my living room. So I know you’re just an illusion caused by my choice of rum *hiccup*

I am notch drunk. Shut yer squid mouth or I’ll shut it fer ya. Check out dis new sport. Here lemme show ya. Stand still now. Is called Kraken smackin. I’mma mess you up. *Rolls up sleeves*

*Wakes up in the morning to find the whole house destroyed*

I think it’s time to admit that I might actually have a problem. But who the f**k splattered my walls with ink?

Tentacle Porthole Lamp

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Tentacle Porthole Lamp
There’s a tentacle in my porthole. That sounds like a personal problem to me. Maybe while it’s in there it can give you a checkup. Why you- This post brought to you by the letter V. For the voices. In my head.

Now that the meds have kicked in and everything is going smoothly, I present to you this Tentacle Porthole Lamp. It’s as if a giant Kraken attacked a ship and was nice enough to bring it’s own light for you to die by. This thing is realistic as hell. I feel like I’ve been slimed just by looking at it. This is gonna look awesome in that Kraken themed room I’ve been planning. I have a lot of work to do. Better get Kraken!
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Chained Octopus Necklace

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chained octopus necklace
I don’t have to tell you that Octopuses belong in chains. These ink squirting monstrosities are scary as hell. It’s because of these guys and sharks that I don’t get in the water. Ever. Screw you kraken! Still, this Octopus necklace is pretty stylish, even though I wouldn’t trust him around my neck, chained up or no. Octopuses are all grabby and clingy. Kinda like me on a date. They would call me Cthulhu. If they called at all. *sad face*

The seller has all kinds of cool necklaces. Some of them are other dangerous sea creatures too. Like the Zombie Octopus and Jellyfish below. Wear them at your own peril.
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Unleash The Kraken…Dice Bag

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kraken dice bagWhat’s Kraken peeps? Nuffin much, just playing some D and D with my sweet-ass Kraken dice bag by my side. He’s been unleashed you see. And it wasn’t easy getting a leash on him in the first place so I’m not about to put him away now. Besides, I just rolled a sweet crit against an Undead Goblin Mage and the rescued halfling Princess is about to show her gratitude, if you know what I mean. *wink, wink* It’s gonna be soooo sweet. The two of us are running away together.

Because I’m the hero D and D deserves, but not the one it needs right now… Plus, I’m really horny.