This monster mask is all teeth. Teeth going every which way but loose. That was a great movie. Right turn Clyde. *Swings arm out. BAM.* Oh damn. Sorry Grandma. But you know better than to sneak up on me when I’m writing a blog post. You needed a nap anyway. I apologize to whatever channel that is on the TV. You just lost your last Matlock viewer.
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Tag: monster
“The Creepy Thing” Wall Sculpture
I don’t know what’s up with me today. I’m all eyes and fingers. That’s what this guy is saying. This weird wall sculpture would make a perfect coat rack or key holder.
Just ordered one. When it gets here, I’m gonna attach him to my fly and walk around the mall. If I’m still a free man after a few hours, I’m gonna go home and put him on the back of my chair and force him to massage me. There’s a good pair of monster hands.
Frankenstein Monster Stitches Tights
If you want to look like a mad scientist cut you up and stitched you back together, check out these Frankenstein Monster Stitches Tights. They are scary sexy. They’ll leave you in stitches. For real.
These are perfect for cosplay or just for everyday wear when you want to look like a leggy monster. Who doesn’t want to look like a leggy monster?
Creature from the Black Lagoon Action Figure
This is the Creature from the Black Lagoon Action Figure that I’ve always wanted. One thing I never understood. Why is his lagoon black? Oil spill? I have no idea. I’m gonna get this guy and call him Gill. *Crickets* Get it? Gill? He’s got gills. *Silence* Tough room. Well, not that tough. I think I could take you all in a fight. If I was allowed to run home first and work out for like 2 years straight and come back.
Roses are red,
violets are maroon.(Color blind here.)
You always have to clean your carpet,
If your guest is the Creature from the Black Lagoon.
Scary Leech Halloween Mask
EWWWW! Kill it with fire! But stay away from that unholy mouth with like a million teeth. The detail on this Leech Halloween Mask is amazing. And I should know. I’ve lived with enough of them. Nowadays I live alone, but I still see those leeches in flashbacks.
Those aren’t flashbacks. We call that a mirror. You were the leech.
Fair enough. *Opens mouth full of terrifying sucker-teeth and attaches to your side.* Can I have 5 bucks? By the way, do you have sandwich making stuff in your fridge? I’m starving.