Tag: monster

Pale Man From Pan’s Labyrinth Creature Figurine

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Pale Man From Pan's Labyrinth Creature Figurine
What the hell!? I said peek-a-boo! Not cut out your damn eyeballs and put ’em in your hands and look at me with your hands. You are one sick individual. I don’t think I want to play with you anymore. *Crosses arms over chest* I might even call my mom to come pick me up.

Hey, this explains why you always find me when we play hide and go seek. Sure, you covered your eyes. With your… hand-eyes. What the- You were looking at the bottom of the deck every time you dealt on poker night, weren’t you? No, put your hands down. it’s not cute. No. Bad…. Oh, I can’t stay mad at you my Pale Man friend. Got a secret of my own. *Displays hands palm out in front of my crotch, showing off my testes-palms.*

You think you got it bad. I gotta hold these things all day. It’s why I can’t ride a bike. Too painful holding onto the handlebars!
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Octopus Door Handle

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Octopus Door Handle
I would never stop opening the door if I had this Octopus Door Handle. *Takes it’s tentacle in my hand.* How do you do Cthulhu? You’ve got a great grip son. You are really going places. Probably to the bottom of the ocean, so you can drag me down and suffocate me. It’s cool. Do what ya gotta do. I’m not letting go.

I would also make it all sticky and slimy so people who enter my home get the full Octo-experience when shaking tentacles with a beast from the depths. Octo-experience! Welcome! You’ve been slimed. Now you get to see the suckers that live here. Get it? Suckers?
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Horrible Man-Spider

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Horrible Man-Spider
What in the upside-down crawling f**k! Clearly someone spiked my Trix with Quaaludes. Just in case we are not seeing the same thing, I’ll describe what I am seeing here in one simple sentence: Upside-down head, two antennae with eyes, crawling toward me Horrible Man-Spider! Yep. I’m pretty sure I’ve been dosed with some high grade hallucinogenic.

Still, could be worse. I could be passing out and seeing a hazy wavy Bill Cosby suckin’ on a pudding pop. Like the meme says, if you are seeing that, it’s already too late.

Frankenstein Monster And Bride Of Frankenstein Mugs

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Frankenstein Monster And Bride Of Frankenstein Mugs
Check out these cool Frankenstein Monster And Bride Of Frankenstein Mugs. After you’ve been married a few years, this is how you see each other anyway, so you might as well get them. Trust me, I was married for like 20 years one summer.

Now you can have his and hers monster mugs. Which won’t last long cuz she’ll just throw hers at you one morning and then blame you for it, then break your own cup to teach you a lesson. Then you are back to square one with no monster mugs. That’s just love. Also, possibly a lack of medication.
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Monster Bottles Inspired By Lovecraft

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Monster Poison Bottles
These personalized Monster Bottles Inspired By Lovecraft look amazing. OrionOddities makes all kinds. I’mma fill mine with with green soda and call it Montain Cthulu-Dew! Maybe fill ’em with chocolate sludge and call it Goo-Hoo.

Awesome. Did you say they are personalized?

Yeah, they’re pretty cool.

*One week later.*

Here’s your birthday gift!

Oh sweet! The Lovecraft bottles I wanted!

Check it out. I had them personalize them.

*Checks them out.* They all say, “Enjoy your Monster drinks you fat f**k!” *sigh* I will. You are so thoughtful. And descriptive. *tear falls from eye.*
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