Tag: monster

Dream Creepers Are Plush Nightmares

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dream creeper
Jeeper creepers! Where’d ya get those Dream Creepers? From Busymockingbird of course. True to the shop name, they are busy. Busy churning out crazy creatures that are ready to invade your dreams and make them nightmares. They’re kind of like the mullet of the monster world: Creepy business up front with their demonic heads and a cute party in the back with their colorful bodies.

Guess who isn’t sleeping tonight! Did you guess my neighbor? You guessed right. Because I bought one and it’s going to look into his window while he sleeps and wake him up and stuff as he screams and pees his bed. That’ll teach you to take my parking spot! I may whisper the words, “Dreammmmmm Creeperrrrrrr” too.
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Plush Spam Sandwich

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plush spam sandwich
Hey it’s a Plush Spam Sandwich! I’m torn. On the one hand it’s spam which is a known (to my toilet)diuretic and is vomit inducing. On the other hand, it’s a plush that looks kinda cute. What to do? I think I’ll have the best of both worlds and puke while I cuddle it.

Kinda like I did that night I found out my date was packing a sausage in her spam sandwich. It was cuddly and cozy. With tears.

Glow In The Dark Gremlin Stash Jar

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Glow In The Dark Gremlin Stash Jar
Stash your stuff inside of a glowing gremlin head. You know you’ve always wanted to. This Glow In The Dark Gremlin Stash Jar is scary and awesome.

There are three rules: No bright light. Well, that’s out the window since the damn thing glows. Don’t get him wet. Seriously. I had one of these things displayed in my bathroom once and god forbid your aim sucks and you pee on the damn thing. I’m talking all hell breaks loose! I zipped up just in time to avoid a bunch of crazy razor teeth. And it was after midnight too. You’re not supposed to feed them after midnight, so thank God this thing didn’t get a midnight sausage. Bright light hurts him, and sunlight can kill him. So there’s that.
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Cyclops Baby Doll: A One-Eyed, One-Horned Crying Purple Gerber Eater

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cyclops baby doll
Now here’s a face that only a mother could love. A Cyclops Baby Doll. He’s got one eye and a number two in the diaper. Maybe it’s a she. I have no idea. I just know that it used that horn to cut it’s way out of it’s mom’s belly.

Miss monster mother, you have a brand new baby- Oh, well, that’s unfortunate. *Screams fill the operating room. Doctor checks his watch.* Not two minutes old yet and it’s already poked out the eyes of two nurses. Now it doesn’t feel so alone.
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Monster Shaving Kit

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monster shaving kit
It’s been like two weeks since I shaved, so I probably need a Monster Shaving Kit. Something that’s going to eye me up while I lather up the shaving cream in it’s head. Are you giving me the stink-eye monster? Cuz your eyeing me up and it reeks in here. Oh, sorry. That was me. I farted.

You are one scary piece of pottery my friend. I say that because of the glazed look you’re throwing in my direction. You’re making me nervous. Ow! Now you made me cut myself. I’ll just catch the droplets with your head. Uh-oh. Should you be bubbling all evil-like when blood collects in you? Like you are about to come to life? This is not good at all.