Tag: novelty

Kitchen Overlord’s Dead Delicious Horror Cookbook

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Kitchen Overlord's Dead Delicious Horror Cookbook
The Kitchen Overlord’s Dead Delicious Horror Cookbook will help you to cook gore-met meals that will scare the bejesus out of your dinner guests. It has 69 recipes that will cover your table with so many eyes, ears, guts, brains and more. Your dinner guests may even call the cops because they will think you are a serial killer. They will want to stop you before you can cook again. It has everything from edible strings of human ears to looping guts that are meant to be pulled apart at the table. The recipes are tailored to Paleo, Gluten-Free, Vegetarian, and Vegan diets.

I think I lost my appetite. It fell somewhere in the entrails and I ain’t digging it out.

Skull and Crossbones Wire Bun Cover

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Skull and Crossbones Wire Bun Cover
Damn. That Skull and Crossbones Wire Bun Cover is awesome. You know what they say, a bun on the head is better than a bun in the oven. That’s what I heard anyway. This is gonna make some librarian look totally badass. It’s Mary Poppins meets Mad Max. Where did they meet? I have no idea, but I hear they sat down for tea and talked shop for a few hours. Then they made sweet love and the credits gently rolled.

Anatomy Pint Glasses

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Anatomy Pint Glasses
These Anatomy Pint Glasses make it easy for the beer to hit your skull, brain, heart, and ribs real quick. *Slams fist down* Bartender, give me a beer right in my brain! *BAM!* Hitting me in the head with the bottle is not what I meant. I meant, put it in my brain glass. Let’s try this again. I’ll take a white russian in my ribs. *Bartender whistles and a burly Ruskie comes out from the backroom. Punches me in the ribs* Seriously, you just keep that guy back there for times like this? Fine, fine. I’ll take whatever you want in one of your glasses. Oh that’s cute. You gave me the glass with the spider in it that you trapped five minutes ago. Great. Damn, I hurt! Is there a hospital around here?

Vincent Price Cameo Necklace

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Vincent Price Cameo Necklace
Vincent Price! Come on down! You are the next contestant on the Price is righttttt! Would you pay any price for a Vincent Price necklace? The price would have to be right. And it is. Even I can afford this and I eat Ramen noodles every night out of sippy cup. It separates the noodles from the MSG juice. That way I have both my meal and a nice drink. Consider that a lifehack peeps! And with that I’m outta here.

If Vincent was born a triplet, he’d be Vincent Thrice. If he were twins, he would be Vincent Twice. Just a little food for thought.

Losing My Religion… and My Lunch – Infected Crucifix

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Losing My Religion... and My Lunch - Infected Crucifix
If you have an Infected Crucifix like this in your church, you really have a health hazard. Would it kill ya to at least spray some Windex on everything, oh I don’t know, once a century? Cuz I know the bacteria and germs on this thing WILL kill ya. This will be the first time ever that a priest has to be called in to perform an exorcism on the cross itself. Actually, I’m pretty sure this is the cross that creates all demons and bad things in this world, while also smelling putrid, like the puss smell of a thousand zitty butts, when all the zits burst at the same time. Lunch? You lost it.

This piece really grosses me out. Why have you shown me this lord? Why have you cast my eyes upon this? What is the message?

*Booming voice* Because you have an infection you idiot!

Oh….

Is it my weiner? Please don’t let it be my weiner.

Waaaa waaaa waaaa. This is the thanks I get for trying to warn you? Nothing but complaining! NOW it is your weiner!

Oh boy! Starting to feel the burn. Is it too late for some hail marys and a confession?