I used to be a fat bat, but now I’m slim and loving life. It’s all thanks to my new no eating all-guano diet. Check out my before and after. Oh so sexy. Who needs wings anyway. Got myself a nice thigh gap now.
This Bat and Bat Skeleton Paperweight is gonna look great on your desk. It’s a good reminder to keep going with that diet. But you know, not forever. Just sayin’.
This Skulls Belt Buckle is pretty appropriate for me to have over my junk cuz it’s like a graveyard down there if ya know what I mean. I get less action than there is on bingo night at an old folks home. It’s all good though… No, it’s not. Dear God, I’m so lonely. I just need some love. Why doesn’t anyone love me? Oh yeah, it’s probably cuz I post weird stuff on the internet every day and chicks just don’t understand. Maybe this belt buckle can turn my game around. Getting rid of the suspenders and bow tie would be a good next step too.
Santa Muerte? Is that like Santa Claus? Do I get presents? Do I have to wear a tacky sweater? Nah. This Santa Muerte Book Of The Dead Tarot Card Deck is a powerful tool for working with the mysticism associated with the Day of the Dead and Santa Muerte. Deal me in and give me a reading. *Throws poker chips on the table* I call. What do you mean I can’t call? Fine, I’ll bluff instead. No? Fine, I fold.
Damn son! Why is that zombie running after me instead of slowly shambling and letting me get away? That’s because the zombies got their hands on a batch of Double Caffeine Zombie Joe Z Bold Coffee. And so can you! If it gets zombies going all day long, it will get you going in the morning too. Zombie Joe! It makes life interesting! *Runs away from zombies at full speed.*
So that happened. Now you know what it looks like when an alien takes a relaxing bath. It looks like this may be the elusive Cheeto species of alien, so I’m surprised he didn’t dissolve in the water. Anyway, now you can own your very own Alien In A Tub Figurine. The water even glows under a black light. I’m glad his Cheeto alien privates are underwater. I don’t need to be seeing an alien Cheeto d**k! Hmmm. Maybe that’s what a bag of Cheetos is: just a big bag of alien d**ks! Let that sink in.