Tag: spooky

Green Glass Eyeball Ring

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Green Glass Eyeball Ring
Keep your eye on the prize. Or you know, on your finger. This Green Glass Eyeball Ring is all seeing, all knowing, and all eyeball. Now I’m no pupil of style and fashion, but I’ll ask my friend Iris what she thinks. Get it? That was just a cornea little eyeball joke. You know what they say, booty is in the eye of the beholder. No, I didn’t mistype beauty. Booty is what I look at. It’s in my eye most hours of the day and I am the beholder. I have probably even seen your butt and approved.

Anyway, back to the ring. Not like *ding-ding* entering the boxing ring. This eye ring silly. It’s not bloodshot, it’s not yellow. All in all it’s very healthy looking. I say go for it. Though I can’t tell if it smells, so there is a chance they’ll give ya the stink-eye.
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Coffin Platform Heels

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Coffin Platform Heels
I just shivered a little. I thought it was because someone was walking over my grave, but when I saw these Coffin Platform Heels, I realized that it must be because someone is walking on my coffin. If that’s the size of my coffin, I can only assume that someone blew me to pieces and there was only enough left of me to shove inside of two shoe heel coffins.

I’m a little ticked that there’s no epitaph on a little tombstone above those heels though. Something like, “He had a soul, not a sole” or “He tried not to be a heel” or “Women were always walking all over him.” True that. True all of that.

I bet you ladies are dying to get a pair. Dying to try them on. Even though they would kill your feet.

Zombie Nesting Dolls: The Nesting Dead

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Zombie Nesting Dolls The Nesting Dead
I have a question about these Zombie Nesting Dolls. Okay, if one zombie is inside of another, that’s sex right? One zombie is inside of another. Gotta be sex. Okay, now if a bunch of zombies are all inside of each other, does this constitute a zombie G-bang? It’s been bothering me since I saw these guys. By the way, G-Bang is my gang name. Shout out to my homies on the upper east side! What up Pedro and Johnny Suckerpunch!

Anyhow, these zombies are all up in each others business, looking undead, nesting in and out of each other. You got zombie dad, zombie mom, zombie snot-nosed teen and little zombie sister, plus baby zombie.
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Coffin Clocks: It’s Always The Witching Hour

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Coffin Clocks It's Always The Witching Hour
Coffin Clocks! It’s half past a dirt nap and quarter to the afterlife. These cool clocks remind you that we are all just passing the time until we are dead, dead, dead. Did I depress you? Sorry. This is why I’m alone at parties. Well, that and the fact that I am throwing those parties for myself and only inviting myself, because I want all of the birthday cake. It’s all about myself, cuz I’m selfish. No, not shellfish. Selfish. No, not elf-ish. Selfish. No, I don’t sell fish. Oh forget it. This is why I party alone!

Tick-tock. Tick-tock. I fell inside my coffin clock. I hit my head and now I’m dead. Also broke my neck. Oh well, just set the time and I’ll be hanging here for all eternity. That’s just my luck. Of corpse it is. I guess I’ll be haunting some people with similar tastes in clocks.

Actually these aren’t life sized. They are about 17 inches tall. Which is awesome, because I’m clumsy and I did not want to fall and trip and get trapped in that thing for the rest of my afterlife. No way jose! I don’t wanna clock in and never clock out of this clock.

Ghostbusters Terror Dog Ring

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Ghostbusters Terror Dog Ring
I know what you’re thinking. You saw that headline and you thought there was a Terror Dog Ring operating out of your city. You probably pictured scary dogs wearing gangster suits, who also happen to bust ghosts. That’s what I thought too, but nope. It’s the actual terror dog from Ghostbusters, in ring form.

Wear a couple so people will look at your hand and go, “Nice dogs man!” This thing doesn’t scare me. That hot dog I had at the ballpark last year, that was a terror dog. If you want to glue someone to a toilet seat for like 4 hours, forget superglue. Feed them a substandard mystery meat hot dog and wash it down with like a half gallon of coke.