Edward the Morbid Apple
was rejected three times by Snapple.
He was rotten to the core
After laying with a wh*re.
And the worms didn’t want him no more.
It is a cautionary tale. Don’t be the bad apple kids.
Tag: strange
Nightmare On Elm Street Freddy Krueger Soap
What is that smell? Damn Freddy! Now I smell why they call you a nightmare on elm street. You rank son! Here, try this Nightmare On Elm Street Freddy Krueger Soap. You might want to wash that sweater and hat once in awhile too. You smell like you look. Like a trucker’s rest stop bathroom in hell. Just go over there. Further. Further. Is this a dream? Cuz you smell real. Real nasty! Get outta here Freddy and don’t come back until your ass is clean.
Gothic Black Bat Wings Backpack
I’m gonna store all of my Red Bull in this Gothic Black Bat Wings Backpack. You know why? Cuz Red Bull gives you wings! Well, sure diabetes too, but wings aint bad. Gonna strap this thing on and run real fast so those wings flap in the breeze while I squeak like a bat, even if that is just my asthma. It’s gonna be so cool. I’m a bat out of hell baby! Then I’ll jump off the roof and either fly or be a puddle of Red Bull on the sidewalk.
Friday the 13th Ice Cube Tray – Ch Ch Ch Ice Ice Ice
This Friday the 13th Ice Cube Tray is perfect for a tall glass of OMG IT’S A MASKED KILLER. Or is that a masked chiller? Ch ch ch ice ice ice… Baby… Chill your drinks with the masked head of a serial killer. Cuz drinks are always better with my main man Jason. I loved him in Nightmare on Elm Street. Just kidding. I know he’s the one known as Leatherface from the Jeepers Creepers don’t ya know.
GRANDMA STOP WRITING ON MY BLOG!
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Your Time Will Come Clock With Grim Reaper Hands
Check out this Your Time Will Come Clock With Grim Reaper Hands. What time is that? Lunch. Bring it! Dinner? I’m there. Hey, don’t you ever get tired of holding that clock? Those bony hands look like they could use a break. Here, let me take it for awhile. Ha ha. Tricked you! Now I’m the Grim Reaper. Now YOUR time has come. *Hits him over the head with the clock*
Now nobody dies. Sucker!
Ten years later: *Standing in a room full of people packed like sardines.* Sure is crowded in here since nobody has died in like ten years. *Guy next to me grunts as we all get pressed tighter together.* So basically I killed the Grim Reaper and we are all immortal and can’t move. I really f**ked up this time. Hey, stop jabbing me! Who’s touching my ass?