Edward the Morbid Apple
was rejected three times by Snapple.
He was rotten to the core
After laying with a wh*re.
And the worms didn’t want him no more.
It is a cautionary tale. Don’t be the bad apple kids.
Tag: apple
iPhone Umbilical Cord Helps You Stay Connected
So this exists. An iPhone Umbilical Cord. It helps you stay connected. Get it? Yeah, it’s pretty gross. Great, now I have to play Pokemon Go for two. This thing is like a leech. It would probably suck up all my calcium and minerals, and give it to my iPhone baby. Check out the video to see how creepy and gross this thing really is. It looks like a snake trying to swallow an iPhone. It also looks like an iPhone trying to use a fleshlight. Not sure which. You see what Apple wants for all of us?
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Filigree Skull iPhone Cases
Your skull is to protect your brain, so why not protect your iPhone with one? Makes sense to me. JoshHarker sells two versions of these Filigree Skull iPhone Cases. One for iPhone 6 Plus and one for iPhone 5, 5s, 5c, 6. None for your actual skull, cuz you have one already. Stop being greedy. This is going to look awesome on your phone.
Rattlesnake iPhone 6 Case
Sweeeet! Check out this Rattlesnake iPhone 6 Case. You can set your ringtone to a snake hiss and look all awesome when you pull your phone out with a Rattlesnake head attached. Even if it will bite you with every call.
Too bad I can’t use it. I just upgraded to an iPhone 3. Of course I also recently upgraded to a computer smaller than a refrigerator. It is SO nice to be able to see pictures on the internet. I had no idea that Facebook really was full of faces. That thing has faces everywhere. I’m in the process of moving over from Myspace. Ah hell. BRB The ice delivery guy is here. Now I can buy groceries! WOOT!
This Must Be That iWatch I’ve Been Hearing About
Oh yeah. That’s the iWatch I’ve been hearing about all over the interwebs. Yep. It’s shaped like an apple alright. And I bet it has all kinds of crazy apps. Stuff like an app telling me how much I will fart based on my current intake of beer and pretzels and an app that will tell me how much fat I’m not burning as I order my sweet new watch online.
It’s a lot cheaper than I thought it would be. Haha suckers! I’m getting mine now, not waiting in some line for 5 days hoping to be blessed by Steve Job’s ghost as you enter the ancient and sacred temple of Tak’a’ma’money.