Oh look, an Illuminati Necklace. It’s the all seeing eye of the illuminati! Pffft! I bet it didn’t see what I did in the shower earlier. Spoiler alert: I peed. When ya gotta go, you gotta go. Technically I wasn’t “in the shower” yet, but I did it anyway. It’s like my litter box and I’m a bad bad kitty. *Licks paw and rubs my head.*
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Tag: strange
Mini Vampire Kits
These Mini Vampire Kits will come in real handy if I get attacked by a tiny blood sucker. That’s why I’m taking one of these with me in the woods. You know, ticks. Tiny bloodsuckers. Also should be good against midget politicians. And it might help you against doctors bearing tiny syringes. There are a lot of tiny blood suckers out there now that I think about it. This will help.
Crazy Creepy Halloween Nails
Promise to scratch my back with these fun Crazy Creepy Halloween Nails? You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours k? Except my scratches are gonna suck cuz I bite my nails. Also spit them on the floor, which is why my feet are all cut up. That’s not a two foot deep pile of confetti all over the floor. I really have to clean this house at least once while I live. Nah. I’ll let the next sucker do it after I’m gone.
Stainless Steel Skull Head Whiskey Chillers
Time to chill baby. With some Stainless Steel Skull Head Whiskey Chillers. And my whiskey definitely needs to chill. It was getting all uppity earlier and cursin’ up a storm. Gonna throw some of these in a glass and make it calm the f**k down! My Gin doesn’t act like that so WTF?
These skulls will chill any drink without watering it down. That’s what your kids are for. (They steal your booze and water it down. I don’t mean dunking their heads in your booze to chill it.)
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Necronomicon Light Switch Plate
Holy Necronomicon Batman! This Necronomicon Light Switch Plate will make me way to scared to turn the lights off. Or on. Turn ’em off and I’ll be too scared of some portal to hell opening up and swallowing me whole as Cthulhu devours my soul. Turn ’em on and that Necronomicon face will scare the bejesus out of me and I got very little bejesus left!
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