Tag: strange

Vintage Morticians Day Planner Diary

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Vintage Morticians Day Planner Diary
What do you think you’ll find in this Vintage Morticians Day Planner Diary?

9 AM: Went shopping at the local embalming emporium. Got a sweet deal on some cosmetics for the dead too.

11 AM: Stitched up some guy’s butthole so no more diarrhea comes out. That’s embarrassing.

12 PM: Lunch

1 PM: Arranged the bodies to recreate some of my favorite scenes from musicals. I was mildly amused, but must get back to cutting them. The sweet cutting is what I crave. And then the dressing them.

9 PM: Time for bed. Time for lonely. Until the morning when my silent friends will greet me once again and I will hug them and dress them and have tea parties. Oh I would love a cup. How have you been? It’s been so long! Kisses on each cheek.
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Creepy Kitchen Towel Set

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Creepy Kitchen Towel Set
Man, this is a dark Creepy Kitchen Towel Set. I don’t own any towels cuz I mostly use my shirt for a towel, but if I owned these, I would wait until a guest used them and say stuff like, “Leave and never darken my towels again.” Or “So you throw in the towel eh? I win again! Best of three?” Towels are fun. They’re towel-toly awesome! Don’t towel anyone I said so.

You get a heart, a skull and a raven. Wait that’s a crow. I think I just ate crow.
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Vintage Monster Ceiling Fan Blades

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Vintage Monster Ceiling Fan Blades
Are you a fan of monsters? Is your fan a fan of monsters? These Vintage Monster Ceiling Fan Blades will look great on your ceiling fan. I’m gonna lay all under it Apocalypse Now style, and stare as the monsters go round and round, blending together, into a new monster called Bride of Franken-Wolf-Cula. Okay, the name needs work. But trust me, you don’t wanna mess with him.

Cool Miniature Tombstones

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Cool Miniature Tombstones
These miniature tombstones are apparently for really tiny people. RIPman. RIP. If I had a tiny hat I would tip it and hold it to my heart. But I don’t. So instead, I’m pouring out some liquor for my tiny homies. Oh s**t, here comes the wife!

Were you just pouring liquor all over my tiny tombstones that are in the dirt for my potted plant?

Just honoring the homies. Don’t be a hater! Besides liquor makes plants grow quicker. Everybody knows that. Except for that shriveled up plant in the corner. That one couldn’t hold it’s liquor. What a pansie! Get it? Oh s**t, put down that vase!
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Crazy Creepy Scarecrow Masks

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Crazy Creepy Scarecrow Masks
I must be a bird cuz these Scarecrow Masks from darkmasks scare the bejeebus out of me. You know what happens when a bird sees these faces looking at ’em? They just explode in a mess of feathers and guts. That’s how scary these masks are.

This reminds me of that time I did a stand up routine for a room full of scarecrows. You can guess how that went. Yeah, I left them in stitches. I’d offer these scarecrows something to eat, but they’re already stuffed. Yeah, that’s just a little scarecrow humor. That’s the last straw I promise.
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