Tag: strange

Bat Coin Purse

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Bat Coin Purse
The next time you’re hanging out in the cemetery and you need some change, just reach for your hand dandy bat coin purse that is wrapped around your arm. Why you would need change in a cemetery, I have no idea. Maybe they have vending machines there now. Been awhile since I hung out in graveyards. Too boring. It’s always so dead there. Vending machines would really help. That way you could also just leave coins for the dearly departed in case they need a snack. It wouldn’t be the first time a spirit has wandered aimlessly under the pale moonlight looking for a Baby Ruth. No biggie. I do that in my sleep all the time. Sometimes I actually manage to find one. One time I did wake up clutching a turd in a truck stop restroom though. I probably should curb my hunger.

When I get rich I’m so putting vending machines in cemeteries. They’ll leave the change for their loved ones and I’ll sweep it up every night. Put it in a giant pile and dive in it everyday. I’m so awesome. I love me. Gonna buy me something special when I get rich.
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Crazy Cat Lady Gourd

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Crazy Cat Lady Gourd
Being a crazy cat lady is one thing, but put some damn clothes on woman! You can’t just cover your naughty bits with cats! Well you can, but then everyone’s gonna confuse your kitties with your T***ies. Are you on some Hawaiian vacation or is this how you always dress at home? Pull yourself together.Are you out of your gourd?

Horror Book Themed Candles

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Horror Book Themed Candles
It’s been awhile since I sat down with a good book. You know why? Because books aren’t very good at conversation. Also, because books don’t have the internet with built in naughty websites. Books also don’t feed me. There’s actually a lot of reasons now that I think about it. At least now I can enjoy some good books with my candles thanks to these Horror Book Themed Candles.

These decorative candles from FirstEditionCandleCo have a little book attached and you can even use them as bookmarks. They will make your place look all creepy-like. Gotta say though, these are not that original. I created these back in the great fire of 1996 when I last read a book by candle light. The fireman gave me the candle covered book as a souvenir along with a slap to the back of the head.
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Worst Action Figure Ever? John Carpenter’s The Fog

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Worst Action Figure Ever John Carpenter’s The Fog
SWEET! This John Carpenter’s The Fog action figure is gonna be the coolest in my collection. It’s highly articulated, fully lifelike and extremely detailed. That’s movie accurate right there son! The Fog is rolling in baby! You think your action figure is cool. Well fog you! This one is better. Just don’t open it or it will be lost forever!

Fruit & Vegetables Carved Into Scary Skulls

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Fruit & Vegetables Carved Into Scary Skulls
Russian artist Dimitri Taykalov has a creepy obsession with skulls. Isn’t that called scoliosis. Nah, that’s something else. Pretty sure that’s something entirely different. He likes to carve fruits and vegetables into skulls. Nothing weird about that right? We all play with out food. Hell, I’ve been known to sit at the table for hours sculpting my mashed potatoes into a cool mountain, but that’s only because of UFOs.

No, Dimitri just loves turning stuff into skulls. Probably because he doesn’t want to eat his fruits and vegetables. I can dig that. Picky eaters usually turn into food artists for that very reason. Kinda like how I have no real skills in life, so I bring you cool and creepy stuff. Keeps me out of the loony bin, puts you one step closer. Isn’t it amazing how our lives all touch each other? Beets me. Lettuce meditate on that for awhile. Let it sink into your melon. Glad I could Pro-duce some humor in your day.
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