Tag: strange

This Steak Is Made Entirely Out Of Tape

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This Steak Is Made Entirely Out Of Tape
This Steak Is Made Entirely Out Of Tape. That really ticks me off cuz it made me hungry. If I want a steak made of tape I’ll just let my wife cook tonight. It will taste like chewing on tape, plus it will probably give me a tape worm that I have to feed for like a year while it lays eggs in my gut.

This steak looks pretty realistic and unlike my wife’s it actually looks edible. I’m gonna show her this and tell her that’s what a steak should look like. It shouldn’t look like an off color turkey with atomic acne, all laced up with a shoelace. Damn I’m hungry!

Custom Nosferatu Vampire Tank Dress

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Custom Nosferatu Vampire Tank Dress
Man, Nosferatu gets all the girls. Lucky guy. If I was clinging to that body the way this Nosferatu Vampire Tank Dress is, I’d get slapped. Is it a tank top? Is it a dress? I have no idea, but Nosferatu is on the scene, creeping around that girl’s boobies. Oddly enough I’ve heard the same phrase uttered about me. I have to work on my game. Right now I’m at checkers level, but one day I’m gonna be in the world championships of hitting on pretty women. Mind if I practice? Here are some pick up lines:

If I told you I loved Nosferatu, would you hold him against me?

Mind if I rub his bald head?

You must have turned me into a vampire girl, cuz I’m up all night thinking about you.

I think I need a lot of work.

Skull Lip Balm

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Skull Lip Balm
Chapped lips? Grab this Skull Lip Balm. It’s the balm. I ain’t giving you no lip… service. I don’t know you that well. See what I did there? All other lip balms seem boring compared to this. Every time you rub it against your lips it will look like you are sampling a tint skulls brains, which I consider a bonus. So moisten those lips on a skull.

The bottom of this lip balm is embossed w/ the quotation: “Be all my sins remember’d” from Hamlet. See, it will help you remember all of your sins too.

Weird Art: Don’t Take Candy From A Blind Witch

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Weird Art Don't Take Candy From A Blind Witch
Just don’t. She’s blind, so there’s no telling what she’s gonna give ya. Maybe a tootsie roll with dog hair stuck to it. Maybe a lollipop with a cigarette butt. Why would you trust a blind witch as your candy source?

Maybe she melted the lollipop and used it’s molten sugar to wax her chin hair, then re-melted it and gave it to you. What are you stupid? Just don’t do it. Heed the weird art my brothas and sistas!

The Toothpaste Purse

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The Toothpaste Purse
This toothpaste purse is way better than the one I made. That will be $8.39 sir. I think I have some change. Here we go. Never mind all of the goo. That’s just Crest, I promise. It will keep your cash register minty fresh. *Puts toothpaste purse back in my pocket. Sees the gooey white mess all over my pants.* That’s not good. This situation has a police car ride all over it. This is why I never DIY, cuz I DIW(Do It Wrong). No, don’t call the manager. I’ll put the condoms back. See, this isn’t weird at all.