Tag: why?

Embryo Pendants In Santa Hats

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Embryo Pair In Santa Hats
What’s up hombres? I mean Embres. Em-bre-os. Bryos before hos right? I’m just messin’ with you guys. Looking good. Forming up nice. Got your little Santa hats on. All cuddled up with each other on your little bed. You look hungry. What are you trying to say? Ohhh, I get it. “Feed us.” Hey, that’s a terrible joke for a fetus to make.

These Embryo Pendants In Santa Hats are just plain freaky. What kind of fetuses spoon each other in bed while wearing Santa hats? They will assault my nightmares tonight and I look forward to doing battle. I hope they find me a worthy adversary as my sword delivers the finishing death blow.

Cleetus was a fetus
and he liked to act elitist.

The womb he did pester
until the third trimester.

And now he’s a loud-ass baby crying all night. Make it stop. Make it stop. Please make it stop!
Read more “Embryo Pendants In Santa Hats”

Real Grass Disposable Dog Potty

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

disposable dog poop grass
Dogs are way too much work. Feed me. Let me hump that stuffed animal. Take me outside to pee. Who has time for a needy animal like that? And besides, I do enough of that stuff myself. Well, the Real Grass Disposable Dog Potty will let you bring the outdoors inside, so your dog can relieve himself. Because he or she is too darn lazy to learn how to work a doorknob.

Get off your lazy dog butt and go pee in the yard. Oh nice! While you’re at it, just drop a Cleveland steamer while I’m having my dinner. Lovely.

Dr. Dreidel: N.W. Oy Vey

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

dr dreidel
Bring home Dr. Dreidel and add some hip hop to your Hanukkah. This dreidel is laser etched with images of Dr. Dre on all 4 sides. Spin it up. $5 says it lands on young Dre with gun. Damn! This is a profitable Hanukkah! Sadly, the Dr. Dreidel is just a concept, but maybe one day we can buy one.
Read more “Dr. Dreidel: N.W. Oy Vey”

Weird Shredded Superhero Night Light

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

weird hero artThis may be the art project of a serial killer. I’m not sure, because I’m no good at profiling. I just sense a troubled soul. And a lot of free time. At least it’s not superhero poop. Anyway, it looks like the Batman has met a terrible end. It was bound to happen sometime. This guy hung him upside down, shredded his entire body and made a crazy night light out of him.

They got sick of seeing the bat symbol in the night sky. Now they have their own. Sure it’s just a shadow of two feet, but the Gotham PD should play ball now and look the other way. If the Gotham PD is ever in the dude’s room anyway, because this thing looks like it casts light about two feet and that’s it. Yep. Looks like we have us a new Arkham resident.
Read more “Weird Shredded Superhero Night Light”

Nic Cage Raking Leaves On A Brisk October Afternoon Fragrance Oil

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

nicolas cage
Now you can experience the smell of Nic Cage as he goes about his daily chores. With a goofy look on his face of course, cause that’s what Nic does. Experience the gentle scent of Nic Cage Raking Leaves On A Brisk October Afternoon.

Leaves. Crisp fall air. Deciduous woods. A black leather jacket, well-loved. Maybe the one he wore in Ghost Rider, because there’s also some Egyptian Amber in there reminiscent of some of his more, erm, peculiar character acting habits. A light musk, and just a hint of patchouli and men’s aftershave.

Wait. Nic Cage can actually use a rake? I don’t think that is very believable. However, your Nic Cage in leaf wreath label has sold me on it.