Call this nightmare monstrosity anything you want. I think we can all agree that it’s ugly. A face only a mother could love? This guy’s mother left him on the church doorstep. Then burned the church down. Dude is so ugly, he went to a haunted house and came out with an application. He is so ugly, when he sits in the sand, cats try to bury him. Damn this dude is ugly. Fugly even. But if you like ugly and disgusting, this iPhone 7 case is for you. I gotta look away, so later peeps.
Tag: wtf
Evil Glowing Clown Masks
Beware the Glowing faced evil clown in a suit. That’s what my mom always said anyway. I never understood what she meant until this very moment. Cuz really, this is the same woman who said, “Beware the dishwasher in striped pajamas”. Mom was a drinker. Yet oddly enough her prophecies come true. It just sucks that I have to take the pajamas off and THEN load the dishwasher, but whatevs. These Evil Glowing Clown Masks from NeonNightLife are some real nightmare fuel.
It’s like clowns have arrived from the future to terrorize us so they can rule the Earth in 2057 and make the world one big circus tent freak show. Prepare to be tied up by balloon animals and taken to an internment camp for non-clowns via a tiny car packed full of these guys. I got my bug out bag, so I’m out peeps. Enjoy all those pies in the face and getting acid in the face as it squirts from the flowers on their shirts. Sick bastards!
Ouija Board For Pets
This Ouija Board For Pets aka talking board will help your dog, cat, lizard and whatever the hell else you have, communicate with you. Or you can use the planchette to talk to your departed animals. Spoiler alert! You know what they all say? Feed me! Dead or alive, they all want the same thing. I don’t need a damn ouija board to tell me what my cat is thinking. He tells me just fine. Scratching up my furniture means he’s an a-hole, coughing up a hairball means he’s an a-hole, not that he’s sick, and jumping on my face in the morning doesn’t mean he’s hungry. He just wants to remind me that he’s an a-hole. That board only needs one large space reading A-HOLE.
White Walker Jesus – Game Of Thorns?
Sing it with me Billy Idol. “It’s a… nice day for a… White Walker.” Remember that time in Game of Thorns(Get it?) when that dude killed that white walker and three days later it resurrected. That’s how you get Easter in Westeros people. This White Walker Jesus will let you relive all of the excitement. Choose your house: Stark, Baratheon, Lannister or Christ!
House Christ rules! I hope I’m scoring some good points to get into heaven here. You da man Jesus! Sorry about all that stuff I did and continue to do, but it’s cool cuz you forgive everything, so I just keep doing that stuff and that’s why we’re tight! Can I get a high five and an amen? Still ignoring me huh? That’s cool. We tight. We tight.
Losing My Religion… and My Lunch – Infected Crucifix
If you have an Infected Crucifix like this in your church, you really have a health hazard. Would it kill ya to at least spray some Windex on everything, oh I don’t know, once a century? Cuz I know the bacteria and germs on this thing WILL kill ya. This will be the first time ever that a priest has to be called in to perform an exorcism on the cross itself. Actually, I’m pretty sure this is the cross that creates all demons and bad things in this world, while also smelling putrid, like the puss smell of a thousand zitty butts, when all the zits burst at the same time. Lunch? You lost it.
This piece really grosses me out. Why have you shown me this lord? Why have you cast my eyes upon this? What is the message?
*Booming voice* Because you have an infection you idiot!
Oh….
Is it my weiner? Please don’t let it be my weiner.
Waaaa waaaa waaaa. This is the thanks I get for trying to warn you? Nothing but complaining! NOW it is your weiner!
Oh boy! Starting to feel the burn. Is it too late for some hail marys and a confession?