Author: Artemis Winterford

Praying Mantises Are Killing Birds Worldwide And Eating Their Brains

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Praying Mantises Are Killing Birds Worldwide And Eating Their Brains
So basically Praying Mantises have been biding their time and now that the end is nigh, they are going full zombie and eating the brains of birds all over the world. Seems legit. They no doubt plan on eating bird brains until they absorb all of their flying powers and then we will have a new species that can poop on our heads. Great.

More like Preying Mantises. Am I right? Look at that pic. Dude is just munching on that bird brain as it hangs there. That would be like me hanging out a second story window with my teeth gripping a cow by the head, instead of just having a burger. It’s just showboating, which is why Mantises and me will never get along. Showoff zombie vermin!
Read more “Praying Mantises Are Killing Birds Worldwide And Eating Their Brains”

Twin Peaks Necklaces – Wow Bob Wow

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Twin Peaks Necklaces
*Doing my little midget dance. Claps hands together.* “Kcor s’tel.” Aka Let’s rock! These Twin Peaks Necklaces will make you say WOW BOB WOW. I saw these and I was all like… BOOM. Season 3, Episode 8 mushroom cloud! Got a light? No? Well, at least you have a frog/moth creature in your mouth. That’s something. Sorry, I can’t even write this because I am just too stoked for the next episode. These necklaces come in several styles: BookHouse Boys, Resident of Twin Peaks, Owl Cave, Black Lodge and more. By the way, that doll you like is coming back in style.
Read more “Twin Peaks Necklaces – Wow Bob Wow”

Gothic Black Rose Necklace With Bat Wings

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Black Rose Necklace With Bat Wings
This Black Rose Necklace With Bat Wings makes my heart all a flutter with the pitter-patter of bat wings. You might say that it’s the wind beneath my wings. Or above a pile of bat guano. Is it a bat or a rose? Is it a bat named Rose? I don’t have the answers. I just know that it looks pretty damn cool. Look, I’m just winging it here. It goes well with this Bat Skirt.

Hairy Leg Printed Leggings – Ewww La La

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Hairy Leg Printed Leggings
Here’s another product that signals the fact that we are all doomed. Hairy Leg Printed Leggings. They are like the Nasty Chest Swimsuit we featured awhile back. Don’t ask me, I have no idea. You ever have one of those days where you shave all day and wonder why you never get smoother? Only to realize that you still have your hairy leggings on?

Grab Your Crayolas – Cryptozoology Coloring Book

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Cryptozoology Coloring Book
Prepare your crayolas and your peepers for a Big foot sighting! The Cryptozoology Coloring Book is all about coloring those crazy creepy cryptids! Want a pink Sasquatch? Wait, that sounds dirty! My point is, you can make Bigfoot any color you want. The Loch Ness Monster too. It features 22 legendary animals from around the world. Color me stoked! This activity book is for kids or adults. I know what I’m doing this Saturday night! I call it crying and coloring, then crying some more. I’m looking forward to it. *sad tears*.
Read more “Grab Your Crayolas – Cryptozoology Coloring Book”