Author: Artemis Winterford

3D Anatomical Brain Necklace – 50 Shades Of Gray Matter

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3D Anatomical Brain Necklace - 50 Shades Of Gray Matter
Brains! Brains! It’s what zombies and scarecrows on yellow brick roads crave! This 3D Anatomical Brain Necklace makes quite the fashion statement. If you have any brains at all, you know that. I can feel my neural pathways opening up just looking at it. I is smart! What? You don’t think so? Shut up or I’ll brain ya, ya numbskull! My IQ is 190 over 100. Wait, that’s my blood pressure. I think I may be in a coma and not even typing this at all. I’ll get back to you on that as soon as I’m sure I’m in my body.

Feel so weightless. rising toward the light. Wow. Pretty fluffy clouds and sexy women playing harps. Those gates are very pearly. I wonder if they sell dirty mags in there. Uh-oh. Falling. Falling fast. Getting hot real quick!

Zombie iPhone 7 Case – The Texting Dead

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Zombie iPhone 7 Case - The Texting Dead
This Zombie iPhone 7 Case is compatible with iPhone 5/5s, 6/6s, 7/7s. Looks like it could use some toothpaste. A little flossing wouldn’t hurt either. Damn son, you got some nasty choppers. I hope it doesn’t bite my finger when I answer my phone. I just feel like I want to do some reconstructive surgery on him, like one of those forensic guys. See what he looked like before he was turned into a rotting walking corpse.

Oh nevermind. I should have recognized Joan Rivers right away. Hey Joan. What up? Thanks for protecting my iPhone with your head.

Cereal Killer Cereal Bowl

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Cereal Killer Cereal Bowl
You know how you eat cereal out of a Cereal Killer Cereal Bowl? Well,first you lure your cereal to a nice secluded spot. Maybe the kitchen. Then you strike hard with a spoon, hoping that no one is nearby to hear any loud snap, crackles or pops as it fights you. Then you hide the cereal so there is no evidence left behind. In your mouth. Hide it in your mouth.

That is one creepy way to eat cereal. Oh and call yourself a cereal killer name. Like Son of (Toucan)Sam. Or the Cheerios Killer. Trix the Ripper….

Re-Animator Herbert West Art Doll

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Re-Animator Herbert West Art Doll
Herbert likes to re-animate corpses. This Re-Animator Herbert West Art Doll is based on the H.P. Lovecraft short story and the Re-Animator movie. Dude’s gonna look totally creepy in your already creepy doll collection. He already has blood all over him, so, you know, that saves you the trouble. He also has his syringe and removable glasses.
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Dia De Los Muertos Sugar Skull Bride And Groom

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Dia De Los Muertos Sugar Skull Bride And Groom
Oh yeah? Dia De Los Muertos to you too buddy! This Dia De Los Muertos Sugar Skull Bride And Groom are all ready to walk down the aisle and get married. Cuz Marriage is the real Day of the Dead. Am I right guys? Is my wife here? Thank God. These no longer single skulls have rhinestones, paper flowers and a hand made top hat.

You may now kiss the bride. *Shoves their skulls together and watches in horror as they break and turn to dust* Uh,sorry about that folks. I guess it was not meant to be. That’s how you know it’s unholy matrimony.